Balanced Heart Coaching
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Card Deck
  • Books I Love
  • About Me
  • Speaking
  • Survival Kit
  • Contact Me

Antidote

9/17/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
I recently talked to a mom who said “My daughter hates me, she told me so as she stormed off and slammed her bedroom door.”  (Ah daughters, don’t you just love them for their melodramatic exists from a room?)  Obviously there was a lot more to the story that I was not aware of but that was ok.  I asked the mom she was feeling in that moment.  She used words like blood boiling, fury and frustration.  Her daughter had acted, or reacted, in a way that was unacceptable.  She knew they both needed time to cool off, but she was so angry over what had transpired and the way it had all gone down that she was questioning what the right next steps should be.  Should she take away screen time for slamming the door?  Should she cancel weekend plans for being rude and disrespectful to her mother?  Her mind was swirling with thoughts that all of us have wrestled with at one time or another.
 
Her situation made me think of a question Dr. Shefali asks in The Awakened Family: “What’s the antidote to the energy your child is exhibiting?”  I love this concept of the antidote.  The definition of antidote is “a medicine or other remedy for counteracting the effects of poison” or the second definition is “something that prevents or counteracts unwanted effects”.  Both definitions are relevant in this situation.  The daughter’s reaction is like a poison that you definitely want to remedy while at the same time the mother is looking for the right resolution to counteract these unwanted effects. 
 
So what is the antidote in this situation?  The antidote to anger and frustration can be love, compassion and patience.  Applying the antidote is two-fold.  First as the parent in the moment, you must apply the antidote to yourself and approach the situation with love, compassion and patience.  It is so difficult to react to a slamming door with compassion, but we must dig deep and do our best to meet our raging child with a sense of calm.  Next we must apply the antidote to the child by highlighting those moments where they are acting out of love, compassion and patience.  When the parent pays attention and celebrates the behavior they wish to see, then that behavior will be repeated.  Dr. Shefali goes on to say (page 58) :
“This isn’t as simple as believing that merely focusing on something will change its expression.  That isn’t what this strategy is about.  Instead, it speaks to how our own energy changes when we focus on behavior we wish to see versus behavior we don’t care for.”
What a simple concept, focus on the behavior we wish to see.  I would take it a step further and say celebrate the behavior we wish to see.  It is so easy for us to place emphasis on the “bad” behavior, why not place that same emphasis, if not more, on the good?
 
Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while know that Dr. Shefali and her books have had a huge influence on who I am as a parent.  She has graciously agreed to do a Facebook Live chat for our Balanced Heart Moms group this Wednesday (21st) at 9am PST/12pm EST!  She will be live in our group answering your questions, talking about her book and her upcoming Evolve conference in NYC.  If you are not a member of the group, click here and I will add you.  I hope you will join me so that you can see the power of her teachings first hand.  See you Wednesday! 
 
Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey


0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Categories

    All
    Parenting
    Work Life Balance

    Archives

    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015

    Author

    I started writing this blog because I wanted to have deeper conversations beyond "How are you?", "Busy", with other parents.  Over the years I've shared personal stories, articles, authors and topics to facilitate conversations with parents about the joys and the challenges of parenting.

    RSS Feed

Life Coach Certification from Coach Training Alliance
Picture
Privacy Policy
Disclaimer: I may receive affiliate compensation from the resources and websites mentioned on this website.
© 2020 Balanced Heart Coaching  
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Card Deck
  • Books I Love
  • About Me
  • Speaking
  • Survival Kit
  • Contact Me