My high school Geometry teacher was Miss Tummers. She LOVED math and her excitement for it was contagious. She was young, fun and my friends and I looked forward to her class every day. (Well except for Christie, math really wasn’t her thing, but I digress.)
 
Geometry of course is “the part of mathematics that studies the size, shapes, positions and dimensions of things.” What I remember was learning formulas for how to determine the area of a shape. If you knew how big something was, you could figure out how much would fit inside. We learned area for squares, rectangles, triangles and circles. If you had a few key measurements, you could figure out how big the space was and there was always only one answer.
 
Tummers’s class was only one year, but I have great memories of her class (and she is still my friend on FB). However much of what I learned was thrown out with my spiral notebook when I was 15. In my mind, that was geometry. It didn’t apply to “real” life, unless I was planting a garden and needed to know how much dirt I needed.
 
Years later, when I was a new mom, career woman and wife, I trying to figure out how to do it all. My life was measured in hours and minutes. There were schedules to keep and deadlines to meet. I believed the answers were held in time management skills, prioritization and multi-tasking abilities.
 
On top of that I felt like I was falling short in all my efforts. I wanted to give 110% to my child and my career. When I delivered less than 110%, I felt like I was letting everyone down.
 
I might have gotten an A in geometry in high school, but I was failing at the geometry of life. I had forgotten a fundamental principle of geometry, I believed there was more space than there actually was.
 
Think about it, to find the area of a circle there is a formula, a measurement and a specific answer on the amount of space.
 
There is only one answer.
 
For years when I tried to calculate the “space” in my life and while I knew the clock had a set area (24 hours), yet I continued to try to stretch beyond its limits in order to give 110%.
 
I talk to moms daily who are struggling with this idea of giving 110%. It has become a subliminal cultural expectation and it is a dangerous message for moms. Just last week I was working with a mom who she felt she was not doing enough because she knew she was capable of so much more. I explained to her that this perception of giving over 100% is irrational.
 
We must stop expecting so much from ourselves. We must ask for help. We must reset what we believe and perceive is acceptable effort. Our lives and sanity depend on it. That statement may seem extreme, but if we don’t take it seriously, we risk burnout and health problems and then we won’t be able to take care of anything the way we want to.
 
In order to help us shift our mindset, I created a fun worksheet (which you can download by clicking on this link). I call it the “Mom-dala”. You may be familiar with mandalas, which literally mean circle, recently made more popular in adult coloring books. The Mom-dala is meant to contain all the pieces of your life. At the bottom of the page, assign a color to an area of your life, for example blue is laundry. Then color a piece of the Mom-dala blue that represents how much time you spend doing laundry. Continue assigning colors to things like work, cooking, exercise, time with family, friends, sleep and kid’s activities and color them in on your Mom-dala. When you are done, which colors stand out? Which colors do you want to stand out more? What would have to shift to make these changes?
 
I hope you’ll give the Mom-dala a try, if nothing else, it’s just fun to color and we all need more creativity in our lives. But, if you take the time to look at the pieces that are making up your life, you’ll see that each of them contributes to your 100%. This is what it looks like today. It is colorful, complex, multilayered and most of all beautiful just the way it is.
 
Heart-FULLy yours, 
Kacey

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Originally posted 5/13/17
 
Earlier this week I posed a question to my Facebook group “What does it mean to BE a mom?” The answers were very thoughtful. The women used words like unconditional love, selflessness, dedication and support.  A few words like exhausted, sleepless and hard work were also used in the definition, but for the most part the women’s answers embodied motherhood at the highest ideal. The moms in my group gave heartfelt answers, but we all know there is so much more to it.  
 
When you run into a mom at the store or in the school pick up line, does she talk about how much unconditional love she has had that day?  Probably not.  
 
Does she speak selflessly about all the things she needs to do?  Not likely.  
 
I’ve written about the “busy badge of honor” moms wear to show how much they are doing for their kids. When mom’s talk, it much more about what they are DO-ing to be a mom. Do this, juggle that, run to this practice, the list goes on and on. There are articles upon articles about the best things to do including the right questions to ask after school, the perfect books to read together and the amount of time they should spend being physically active. We are surrounded by examples and advice on what to do.
 
The moms in my group eloquently described motherhood as a state of being. Their definitions described motherhood as something you are, not something you do. So, where does the disconnect will happen? I believe we get swept up in the hustle of life and being turns into doing. Let me explain - as I mentioned before more than one mom included the word selfless in their definition of being a mom. When you have a child, you happily put their needs before your own. You merrily go along, being your selfless self - cooking, cleaning, running from activity to activity, picking up last minute items for the project that’s due tomorrow. In the process of BE-ing a good mom, you need to DO a lot of things. Slowly, or not so slowly, the lines start to blur between being and doing - we even have a list to prove it. The longer the list gets, the easier it is to forget about being and focus only on doing. And then, if you are anything like me, the more you do the more stress you feel and the more you get separated from the definition of what it is to BE a mom. The stress and pressure build until you lose it. You yell or cry or breakdown because what started out as being selfless, turned into overloading yourself with too much to do. And then you feel guilty because nowhere in the definition of being a good mom do you hear words like angry, frustrated or overwhelmed.  
 
We cannot escape the doing, but we must remind ourselves motherhood is about so much more than our to-do list. It’s about how we show up and our connection to our kids. Take time this weekend to just sit and be with your kids. It doesn’t matter what you do or how long it takes, just hang out and be with them. Everything else that you need to do can wait.
 
Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey

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 Photo by Saulius Sutkus on Unsplash

This summer my sister gave birth to a healthy baby boy. It’s been a lot of fun to have a new baby around and my kids are loving their new role as the older cousins.
 
My sister’s company has what I considered a fairly generous maternity leave, so she was able to spend several months home with the baby. When the time came for her to go back to work, I knew I wanted to do something fun to ease the transition. I gathered the “necessities” every mom needs to go back to work, arranged them in a box and included this note:
 
Back to Work Survival Kit
 
Pictures for your desk
 
A snack in case you miss breakfast
 
Tissues, because you never know
 
Starbucks card to wake you up
 
Shout for when you spill something on your way to the office
 
Deodorant when you walk out the door without it
 
Lotion for dry hands
 
Life Savers for fresh breath
 
Quote cards when you need encouragement
 
Mac n Cheese as a go to dinner for a late night
 
XO
 
I shipped the box so she would get it a couple days before her first day back. I didn’t tell her it was coming. I knew she had enough on her mind. I remember my own days before going back to work as being filled with a wide range of emotions, including stress, excitement, anxiety, freedom, nervousness, anticipation and exhaustion. I was hoping this care package would bring a smile to her face and give her a few useful things she could use to keep at her desk to get through those first few days.  When the package arrived, she texted right away. It brought a smile to her face and relieved some of the tension she’d been feeling getting ready for the big day.
 
While I was putting this gift together, it sparked an idea – what if I made this “Working Mom Survival Kit” available on a bigger scale? I’ve spent the last few weeks researching and gathering materials. I pulled more motivational quotes from my blogs and printed them out (stay tuned for more on these). I took pictures, built the website and now it’s finally ready! The Working Mom Survival Kit is now available for purchase on my website, just click this link to check it out.
 
It’s hard to know how to support Moms as they head back to work, especially when you live far away. My intention with this kit is that you can send it as a reminder to the Working Mom in your life that you are thinking of them, cheering them on and supporting them along the way.
 
Joy-FULLy yours, 
Kacey
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