 I recently listened to the book “The Year of Yes” by Shonda Rhimes, who is the creator of the hit TV shows Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal and How to Get Away with Murder. I don’t listen to many books, but this one was available through the digital library so I grabbed it and I am so happy that I did. Shonda Rhimes herself reads the audio, which is like you are sitting in her living room listening to her tell you these stories. The premise of the book is that despite having three highly successful shows on TV, Shonda was not truly living her life. Outside of work and family (she has 3 daughters), she did little else and avoided any situation that made her introverted self feel uncomfortable. In 2014 she made a commitment that she was going to say Yes to everything she was asked to do. The result of that year changed her life emotionally, physically and in ways she never had imagined.
In one chapter, she talks about saying yes to taking a compliment. Throughout the book there are many stories about her receiving a variety of awards for her writing. At one point, she realizes that in receiving all this praise, her natural reaction is to brush off the compliment, deflecting the praise to the actors or other people on her staff. She talks about how this a cultural norm, that by not taking the full credit for something we believe we are being humble. This message really stuck with me when later this week, I received a very nice compliment from a co-worker. Instead of looking away embarrassed, deflecting the praise to something or someone else, I looked them squarely in the eyes, said thank you and meant it. As Shonda talks about in the book, embracing these compliments and feeling the full appreciation from the person for the work you have done is important. This may seem like a simple little thing, but try it, it’s harder than it sounds. As parents, we may be feeling like the last thing we need is to say yes to one more thing. Spring is right around the corner and activities seem to be ramping back up again. Before we know it, we’ll be sprinting to the end of the school year. Because of these things, this post may seem like it doesn’t apply to you. You may already feel like you are too busy and that you can’t say yes to one more thing. That may be true. But, you also may need to look at things from a different perspective. Maybe you need to say yes to saying no. Or maybe you should say yes to taking better care of yourself or say yes to doing more things that you enjoy. Everything you do, every minute of the day is the result of you saying yes to something. Are you saying yes to the things you want to do? What is holding you back from saying yes to the things that scare you? What can you say yes to today, that you wouldn’t have said yes to if you hadn’t read this blog post? Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Are you having trouble saying yes to asking for help? Having a coach may be the yes you’ve been looking for. I have two spots left in my 90-day workshop and would love for you to fill one of those spots. Message me or comment below and I can fill you in on all the details.
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 Earlier this week, I was working with one of my clients as she was talking about her thirteen-year-old daughter she said “she always makes me feel like I’m not good enough”. My heart broke for her and was angry at her all in the same moment. Enough is enough with these feelings about being enough!
Unfortunately, as moms this has become a pretty common occurrence. We have these incredibly high standards for ourselves and no matter how much we strive, we never seem to be able to reach “enough”. Ironically, the definition of enough is “adequate for the want or the need; sufficient for the purpose or to satisfy desire”. The definition uses words of a minimal nature like “adequate” and “sufficient”. At the end of a long day, few moms I know are thinking, I spent an adequate amount of quality time with my kids today or I spent a sufficient amount of time answering emails. To take this a step further, the synonyms for enough are plenty, abundant and acceptable, while the antonyms are insufficient, lacking and unsuitable. Does anyone else feel like when it comes to parenting, we’ve somehow gotten it twisted? When you speak about enough it’s more likely from the perspective of not having enough, being insufficient, inadequate and unsuitable. It’s heartbreaking. What a lonely and hopeless feeling. But wait, earlier I said that it also made me angry, how does that come into play? Ah yes, the anger comes from the phrase “she always makes me feel”. Those of you have been reading my blog for a while probably know what my answer is to that, but it’s one I’m happy to repeat as often as needed – she cannot “make” you feel anything. Not to mention this is a thirteen-year-old we are talking about and you are a grown woman with years of experience on her, you have the ability to determine your own feelings. What she says may bring up one of your insecurities, maybe it’s that you are not doing enough as a mom, but what does that really mean? Are you providing her with an adequate amount of food, clothing and a roof over her head? Are you able to sufficiently deliver her from place to place when she needs to go to school or an activity? If you answered yes, then by definition, you are doing enough. Now maybe she doesn’t like the car you drive or wishes that she wore fancier clothes or shoes, but that is not a reflection on you being a good enough mom. We have to remember they are children, still trying to figure things out. They are surrounded by materialism every day and it’s up to us to make sure they define enough beyond material things. Your worth is not determined by what you have, but by who you are. A tough lesson at any age. “Enough is enough” is a phrase said in frustration with emphasis is on the last word – Enough is enough! What if we changed the emphasis to the word is? Enough IS enough. Whatever you’ve done today, it’s plenty. Whatever you’ve provided your child today is adequate, sufficient, and acceptable. Who you are today is enough. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Are you working through a similar parenting struggle? I currently have 3 openings in my 90-day, one-on-one, Parent Coaching Workshop. Message me or comment below and we'll set up time to talk.  A few weeks ago, a friend and I started taking an online parenting class called “The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting” taught by author, professor and researcher, Brene’ Brown. The class is made up of four lessons, each of which have a series of lecture type videos followed by videos that have a creative, hands-on activity that support the topics being discussed. It has been great because the videos are short and you can go at your own pace. The activities are meant to be done with your kids and offer a great way to get them to start talking about topics that might not come up in “normal” conversation.
One of the lessons discusses the importance of being emotionally literate. Emotional literacy is being able to accurately identify and explain the emotions that you and others may be experiencing. In a recent study, people were asked to name as many emotions as they could. On average, people could only name three – happy, sad and angry. Brene’ goes on to say there are actually thirty emotions, including love, belonging, gratitude, curious, embarrassed, scared, disappointed, jealous and of course my favorite, joy. I think that it is totally natural for us to default to the big three (happy, sad, angry) but being able to take it a step further and say, why am I so angry about this or why does this make me sad, is so important to teach our children. If we can help them identify the root emotion, that we can help them to better understand what they are experiencing so they can move forward. At the end of the lesson, Brene’ suggested an activity to do with your kids to help identify and define the thirty emotions. The exercise could be done one of two ways. The first way is to take a picture of what each emotion looks like either by facial expression or through body language. The second way is to draw a series of faces, each expressing the emotion. When I shared this idea with my twelve-year-old, she said “There’s an emoji for those words!” Whichever way you choose to visualize it is fine, the ultimate goal is to be able to have something physical to look at as you have the discussion. It’s much easier to have pictures to talk about the difference between being embarrassed and scared and disappointed. It’s also much easier to talk about these words and feelings before you are in the middle of an emotional melt-down. Then when the inevitable melt-down does happen, you can pull the pictures back out and use them to help you through the conversation. We’ll be working on this project this weekend and will post our pictures when we’re done. If you’d like the full list of emotions, leave a comment or message me, I’d love to see what you and your family create! Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Need parenting support and not sure where to start? Direct message or email me at balancedheartcoaching.com and we'll set up time to connect.  It’s THAT time of year. That time where you wonder if you or your family is ever going to be healthy again. Chances are you’ve spent the last few weeks (months) passing a cold back and forth and back again, as the colder temps make it hard to keep anyone healthy for longer than twenty-four hours.
I remember when my kids were younger, around 5 and 2. I felt like I needed a punch card for my pediatrician’s office, I was there so often. As I sat on the “sick” side of the waiting room, I would daydream that the punch card reward would be something fantastic, like on the tenth visit I’d get a full body Swedish massage or an uninterrupted night’s sleep. I would have been ecstatic with either at that point. It’s so hard when your kids are at that toddler age and can’t tell you how they really feel. There were nights when my husband and I used to sit and watch them like a hawk. Is their fever going up or did it finally break? Is the fever dangerously high? How is their breathing? Since my kids were prone to asthma, I would sit and count their breaths – are they slowing down? Are they more shallow than they were fifteen minutes ago? Should we go to urgent care? Is there an urgent care open at this time of the night? What should we do? It’s normal that we as parents second guess every decision we make when it comes to our child’s health. It’s also normal to get to a point where you are completely exhausted, worn out and feel like your family will never be healthy ever again. Not only have you been to the pediatrician numerous times, but you’ve kept the kids home from daycare, rearranged your work schedule and lived on soup and crackers. Your “normal” daily routine seems like a distant memory you miss like an old friend. I’ve been there, we’ve all been there and when you’re in middle of it, it feels hopeless. You will make it through. And luckily as your kids get older, their immune system does get strong enough so that they don’t come down with every cold they are exposed to. You can actually go months without visiting the pediatrician! But until that magical time, know that it’s ok that everything is not getting done. Being sick is a signal to slow down and rest. The rest of the to do list can wait. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Need parenting support and not sure where to start? Direct message or email me at balancedheartcoaching.com and we'll set up time to connect. |
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AuthorI started writing this blog because I wanted to have deeper conversations beyond "How are you?", "Busy", with other parents. Over the years I've shared personal stories, articles, authors and topics to facilitate conversations with parents about the joys and the challenges of parenting. |
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© 2021 Balanced Heart Coaching
Disclaimer: I may receive affiliate compensation from the resources and websites mentioned on this website.
© 2021 Balanced Heart Coaching