 Smiling faces are flooding my social media feed. Those with caps and gowns beam with pride in their accomplishments, flanked on all sides by joyful family members. Their eyes are all glistening - is that glare of the flash or a glimmering tear behind the happy mask?
Scroll. In the next picture, the excited smiles are holding backpacks ready to leap into their last day of school, giddy with the knowledge summer vacation is only a few hours away. Scroll. Sun-kissed, relaxed smiles in vacation mode on a far-a-way beach. Summer has not only started, but they are already off enjoying it. These smiling faces greet me multiple times a day and instantly reconnect me to relatives, former classmates or dear friends, no matter how many miles separate us. It’s a bright spot in my day and a moment of relief from whatever stressors are surrounding me at the time. The smiles on the screen are always doing something much more fun than I am in that moment. I wish I was There, floats around in my head, whether I realize it or not, until I am able to pull myself out of their world back to my own. Mentally, we all know social media posts imply a level of perfection that is not reality. But from our exhausted, stressed out, overwhelmed or even bored, vantage point it’s easy for us to unconsciously slip into feeling sorry for ourselves for not having our own smiling faces to post. No one ever posts a smiling picture while folding laundry or putting away groceries or washing the dishes. Pictures capture a millisecond in time that would be lost forever if you hadn’t clicked at just the right moment. The pictures shared on social media are the ones deemed good enough to share, who knows how many other pictures were taken that didn’t make the cut. Wouldn’t it be funny if we had to post all the pictures on the roll, just to get a glimpse at what really happened? As the summer days get longer, and tempers get shorter, it’s easy to get wrapped up in everyone else’s social media smiles. Sure, the graduation, championship game and vacation pics are fun to look at, but don’t overlook the everyday smiles surrounding you in the quiet, simple moments. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Don’t miss a post – sign up to receive the blog in your inbox every week. Scroll to the top of the page and you’ll see a box to enter your email in the upper right side of the page.
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 I started this blog almost five years ago as a way to talk about parts of parenthood that no one warns you about or talks about (crazy sports parents being a prime example). We’ve all heard about how fast our kids grow up. As our kids are running around on the playground, a mom with older kids walks up and tells you to enjoy this age. You internally roll your eyes at her thinking about how exhausted you are and how you are counting down the days they are potty-trained, sleep through the night and can get their own snacks. I know a lot of you reading this might be living in those toddler years right now and you are right, they are physically exhausting. But once your kiddos start “growing-up” there is no turning back. In fact, it seems as though they start to gain momentum and start to change faster. When they are little you can take pictures monthly to see their changes and how much they’ve grown. Once they reach about 5, those physical changes don’t seem as pronounced or to happen as quickly. I think this lulls us into a false security that we can just coast for a little while, but then we blink, and another school year is gone. And then another and another.
Last night was the 8th grade formal and my 8th grader was brimming with excitement. Her dad took her to get her nails done, she insisted on acrylics as "all" her friends had them too. I came home early from work to help her get ready because of course she needed make-up and curled hair for this fancy occasion. I watched her transform in front of my eyes and got a glimpse of the future. I thought, where did the time go? I’ve been so aware and appreciative of each stage, but still I sit here feeling like it’s all happened way too fast. I wish I could pause time, but I know from experience those wishes only make time go faster. It's not lost on me that my lamenting over her growing up seems trivial compared to the parents who are mourning their children who never returned home from school yesterday. When I kissed my kids good-bye in the morning, the thought never crossed my mind that they wouldn’t be here when I got home. Things are changing and not all of it is for the better. My daughter is so innocently excited to start high school next year. The news of another school shooting is no longer shocking to her and her classmates. But, like most teenagers, they are self-absorbed in their own “problems” and have not let fear override their anticipation of what’s to come. Beneath the acrylic nails, eye shadow and mascara, there is still innocence, trust, faith and hope in the opportunities and experiences high school will bring. Amongst all this talk of change and tragedy, there is also an old-fashioned love story. The monarchy, hundreds of years old and struggling to find it’s place in the modern world, still has the power to bring together millions of people around the world to watch a real-life fairy tale wedding of a Prince and Princess. In a world where the divorce rate could have jaded us, we still believe in love. And isn’t that what life is all about? Love. Love of our children at every age. Love of their friends that feel like they don’t fit in. Love that is seen in fairy tales. What they don’t tell you about parenthood is that none of this ever gets easy. Sure, you get the hang of some things, but there is always something new on the horizon. Change is constant, even when we want things to stay the same. And no matter how many times we talk about change, we are still shocked and surprised when it happens. The poet Rumi says it best: “Life is a balance between holding on and letting go.” One of the hardest lessons for us to learn as parents is that by letting go, we actually get to hold on. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Don’t miss a post – sign up to receive the blog in your inbox every week. Scroll to the top of the page and you’ll see a box to enter your email in the upper right side of the page.  Did you see the images of the volcano erupting in Hawaii? There was one where at first glance it might look like a landslide, until you saw the steam rising from the “rock”. The black rock blocked the street, making it impossible to pass. Behind the initial rocks the scene changed completely. Fire balls of molten rock were being spit into the air like a popcorn popper. It was a surreal image showing the power of nature and felt like a long way from our fourth-grade baking soda volcano. Many outsiders may see this as a natural disaster where the destruction uncontrollable and devastating. The Hawaiian people have a different perspective. They see the lava flow as a gift that builds up and grows the size of their island.
Last night I watched a replay of Oprah’s 2018 commencement speech at USC’s Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism. Her entire speech was filled with notable sound bites, but the one that jumped out at me was when she told the graduates to “use your gifts”. Use. Your. Gifts. What does that mean to you? We live in a time where we are taught not to brag or be too self-centered, where instead we should be modest and humble. A time where we can be proud of our accomplishments, but not too proud. A time where we can strive for what we want, but not at the detriment of those around us who depend on us. So, while we strive to use our gifts, there are a lot of asterisks we have contend with. Use. Your. Gifts. It’s not lost on me that I am posting this blog on Mother’s Day when many of us are receiving gifts of some kind or another. Many of the gifts we receive are the adorable home-made kind that only a mother would value the same as gold. You may also receive another gift, maybe one you’ve been dropping hints about for weeks or maybe you even picked it out yourself. It’s ok, you earned it, you work hard for it day in and day out and you deserve to be recognized. While external gifts are fun to receive, the gifts Oprah was referring to are the ones you already have. Your gifts could be a physical and revolve around your ability to do something. Or your gift could be a little more intangible and be found in your ability to listen and motivate people. Whatever your gift may be, the important thing is that you use it. As mothers, we are challenged to use our gifts while managing and juggling everything else life brings us. I talk to many mothers who feel like they must put their own lives on hold to raise their children. It doesn’t have to be like that. You may not get to pursue everything you want to pursue in this moment, but that doesn’t mean you give up. Every day you can use and grow your gifts. Opportunities are everywhere if you keep your eyes open. Normally a gift only benefits the person who receives it. However, when we use our gifts, we are energized. It awakens the flow within us. Our gifts are meant to be used. They are not meant to lie dormant within us waiting for the perfect time to come. There is no need to wait. When we use our gifts, we naturally share them with others and then they become a gift for everyone to enjoy. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Photo by Mandy Beerley on Unsplash  Repost from 7/4/15
I picked my kids up this week after work, only to find that during the course of the day, my daughter had lost her voice. She could whisper but that was about it. As we drove home she told us about her day. Without thinking, her brother responded to her by whispering. She replied to him that he didn’t have to whisper, his voice was just fine. I stepped in to defend him because this has happened to me as well, during a bout of laryngitis my coworkers all whispered to me even though they were perfectly fine. It’s a very interesting response and one that you do without even thinking. When someone whispers something to you, you automatically whisper back. When someone is sharing something exciting with you, it’s hard not to get excited too. It is an automatic social response to reflect the tone and energy of the person you’re interacting with. In fact to respond in any other way takes real thought and effort. I was reading something this week that said you become the average of the five people you spend the most time with, your language changes and your standards change. What an interesting thought. I’ve certainly witnessed language changing. Thinking back to high school and college, my close friends and I had numerous phrases we would often say. We developed inside jokes and points of reference based on scenarios that we had all experienced together. I’ve seen the same thing happen in a work environment. When working with a client from Australia it was hard not to pick up phrases (how are you going?) or change the pronunciation of a word to fit their accent. Adapting your language is obvious, but what about adapting your standards? Again it’s something that happens subtly, but happens nonetheless. A friend who is passionate about running, may give you the motivation you need to lace up your shoes and head to the gym. Sharing a healthy recipe might get you to try new foods and explore healthier eating choices. That’s one of the benefits of relationships, sharing of ideas to learn and explore new things we might not have experienced on our own. The people around us also influence our emotions. Our emotions in turn influence our attitude and our energy. Earlier I mentioned when someone shares something exciting with you it’s hard not to get excited with them. You can replace the word exciting with any other feeling – happy, sad, anxious, confident, worry, love, etc. Feelings are contagious and we can easily take on the emotions that someone else brings to the table. When someone brings you an urgent situation at work, it’s easy to rise to that level of urgency and the anxiety that goes along with it. It’s harder and takes more conscious effort to stay calm and address the situation is a less stressful manner. On the other hand when you attend a family gathering or wedding where you are surrounded by love and affection, you can literally feel the love. Like whispering to someone who whispers to us, many of these happen as a natural response that we don’t give much thought to. Knowing that you are the average of the five (or so) people that you spend the most time with – are you spending your time with the right people? Are they empowering you to be the best that you can be? And conversely, are you empowering them to be the best that they can be? Or is one of them dragging you down or causing you to feel emotions that you don’t want to feel (anger, frustration, sadness)? Once you realize that you are whispering when you don’t have to, you can speak up for yourself once again. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Don’t miss a post – sign up to receive the blog in your inbox every week. Scroll to the top of the page and you’ll see a box to enter your email in the upper right side of the page. |
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June 2021
AuthorI started writing this blog because I wanted to have deeper conversations beyond "How are you?", "Busy", with other parents. Over the years I've shared personal stories, articles, authors and topics to facilitate conversations with parents about the joys and the challenges of parenting. |
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© 2021 Balanced Heart Coaching
Disclaimer: I may receive affiliate compensation from the resources and websites mentioned on this website.
© 2021 Balanced Heart Coaching