Is there anything more glorious than nap time?
 
From birth to five-ish-years-old there is an hour a day, maybe longer if you’re lucky, set aside for your child to rest.
 
It is bliss.
 
The anticipation builds throughout the morning. You watch for that first eye rub or nod of the head.
 
And then, after a morning of playing, running, creating and eating, you put them down and take your first deep breath of the day.
 
Nap time gives you the ability to reclaim precious time just for you; moments you savor like a chocolate lava cake with the warm gooey center and cool vanilla ice cream coming together to make the perfect bite. Yes, nap time can be that delicious.
 
Watching my child sleep was one of the unexpected gifts of parenthood I cherished the most and nap time became one of my favorite parts of the day.
 
However, for all it’s beautiful glory, there is also a dark underbelly of nap time. It begins innocently, you pause to enjoy the quiet peacefulness. But as you start to look around and it hits you. This is not time to rest, there are things to do. It can start with putting one toy back in the basket, which leads to another. Within moments you’re scurrying around, picking up, washing dishes and doing laundry. You realize nap time is the perfect time to tackle all the things on your to-do list that are impossible with a kid on your hip and another at your feet.
 
Rest, relaxation and self-care become a distant oasis, reachable only after everything is done.
 
And so, it begins, you spend your morning planning what you will be able to get done from the moment your child’s head hits the mattress. It may start slowly at first but quickly becomes a mad dash to see how much you can fit it. Without the drag of your child in tow, you can move faster, fueling you to push to do even more. The more you get done, the more accomplished you feel. Even though it can leave you feeling tired, your satisfaction for crossing things off your to-do list outshines any fatigue you’re feeling. You’re busy, but it’s ok, because you have something to show for it.
 
This is the origin point.
 
I blame nap time. 
 
Once you feel the rush of productivity and accomplishment, it’s hard to turn away. It’s easier to keep feeding the busy beast. If I got three things done yesterday, doing four things today must be better.
 
Being busy becomes a badge of honor, as if the quantity validates the significance.
 
The slippery slope begins. With our never-ending to-do list, we schedule our days to see how many things we can cross off. We see a friend who asks, “How are you?” and our instant response in “So busy”. They look at us knowingly, validating and affirming our plight. 
 
I blame nap time because allowing myself to rest would have been a luxury.
 
The thought of doing “nothing” while my baby slept filled me with guilt because there was always something that “should” be done.
 
It felt irresponsible.
 
It defied the stereotype that good moms are busy moms.
 
Was that it? Did I subconsciously start believing this story that to be a good mom meant I had to be busy all the time? I know I felt like I had a lot to do and when I talked to other moms, they sounded like they had a lot to do too, but who is putting this pressure on us to get all this “stuff” done? Yes, my kids need clean clothes and food to eat, but is it possible I’ve put the anxiety of being busy on myself? Who said the beds must be made every day or that your child’s outfit must be perfectly coordinated? These realizations lifted a weight off my shoulders I didn’t even know I was carrying. The answers seemed obvious but when I was in the blur of busy, it was hard to focus on what was right in front of me. I began questioning and evaluating everything on my to-do list.   
 
I’ve created a question map to help you navigate a way out of your own busy spiral:
 
Does this task relate to the cleanliness or feeding of my family?
Yes, my family needs to eat!

• Meal prep on a specific day each week to get 80% of all meal related shopping, chopping and preparations done. Delegate jobs to the family to help so it doesn’t all depend on you.
• Create a low shelf filled with snacks where your kids can go serve themselves.
• Consider grocery delivery or online ordering for grocery pickup to save time walking through the store.

 
Yes, this place is a mess

• Set aside a specific time of day or set amount of time each day for cleaning. If you designate 30 minutes a day, get done what you can get done and accept that is enough. Whatever doesn’t get done can wait until tomorrow.
• Play the clean up song and have the kids help. It doesn’t matter if they do it “right” the fact that it is in the general vicinity of the right spot is enough.
• Hire a teenager to help with laundry, folding and putting away to save yourself the hassle. Leverage this teenager in any way possible, chances are they will be happy to be earning money.

 
No, but this stuff must get done!

• What will happen if it doesn’t get done?
  • The fate of my child’s future is at stake and they will end up living a life on the streets if I don’t do this.
    • Well then stop reading this blog and get back to saving the world!
  • It will be inconvenient if it doesn’t get done, but it’s not the end of the world.
    • Are there any other options for completing this task? Can you delegate, ask a friend or family member for help? Can you leverage technology? Determine how long you can go without completing this task, is there a date it must be done? Work backwards to find time over the next few days to get it done and release the stress of it.
    • It’s fine, I always sacrifice everything I want to do so I’m used to it. This is not a good answer. Too often we put our own wants to the side waiting for The Day when we’ll finally have time. Exercise is one of those things we often don’t have time for, find ways to incorporate it into your day. Put music on when the kids wake up and have a dance party. Go for walks during the day. Find exercise videos you can do with the kids. Go for a bike ride. Don’t wait for the perfect day to come, fit it in and not only will you feel good doing it, but it will also lift your mood.

 
Trust me, I get it, some days are busier than others and there is nothing you can do about it. But you owe it to yourself to make sure you are not the source of your stressful schedule. Don’t fall into the nap time trap, instead at any age we can let it remind to us take a deep breath, relax, rest and rejuvenate yourself for the second half of your day.
 
Heart-FULLy yours, 
Kacey

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Photo by Blake Meyer on Unsplash

As some of you may know, I’m in the middle of writing a book. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done. There have been multiple times during this process when I’ve wondered how books even get written. It’s a time-consuming process, filled with self-doubt, second guessing and lots of editing. What keeps me going is the invigorating feeling I get when I’m in the zone and the words are flying out of my fingertips faster than I can type. That energy convinces me to keep writing. It would be easy to stop and instead spend all time with my family, but I feel like this is something I have to do. And if I quit now, I will always wonder “what if”.
 
Creating something is important, it’s life-giving. I was reminded of this truth earlier this week. School’s out for summer which means I have two kids at home. They are enjoying their down time but the “I’m bored” chorus is also ringing in my ears. The other day, my 11-year-old son unexpectedly sent me a text with a picture of a mosaic-style drawing (imagine lots of lines splitting the page into all shapes and sizes). In hopes of filling time, I replied and suggested he color the design. About twenty minutes later, I received another text with the finished product. I never could have predicted the surge of creativity this has ignited in him. Since then he’s filled his notebook with doodles. He’s created characters and asked the family to help him think of names. He’s eager to finish his chores to get back to his drawings. The details really don’t matter, what matters is the feeling of confidence, excitement and joy these creations ignite in him is wonderful to witness.    
 
Brene’ Brown has a great chapter about creativity in her book The Gifts of Imperfection. Her history with creativity is one many of us can relate to. She remembers being a very creative child until fifth grade when she moved to a different town. All of sudden what she wore and the way the furnishings looked in her house were more important than the joy of making something you loved. She writes “As far as my own story, the older I got, the less value I put on creativity and the less time I spent creating…..I relied on the statement, “I’m not the creative type.” On the inside I was really thinking, Who has time for painting and scrapbooking and photography, when the real work of achieving and accomplishing needs to be done?”
 
How many of us have said “I’m not the creative type”? Or maybe you have resisted trying something new because you were worried about how it would look when it was done.
 
Brene’s research finally made her realize three truths when it came to creativity:

1. “I’m not very creative” doesn’t work. There is no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don’t. Unused creativity doesn’t just disappear. It lives within us until it’s expressed, neglected to death, or suffocated by resentment and fear.
2. The only unique contribution that we will ever make in this world will be born of our creativity.
3. If we want to make meaning, we need to make art. Cook, write, draw, doodle, paint, scrapbook, take pictures, collage, knit, rebuild an engine, sculpt, dance, decorate, act, sing – it doesn’t matter. As long as we’re creating, we’re cultivating meaning.

 
Often what holds us back is the fear of comparison. Brene’ writes “Letting go of comparison is not a to-do list item. For most of us, it’s something that requires constant awareness. It’s so easy to take our eyes off our path to check out what others are doing and if they’re ahead or behind us. Creativity, which is the expression of our originality, helps us stay mindful that what we bring to the world is completely original and cannot be compared.”
 
There are so many nuggets of wisdom in these words, but one of the stand outs for me, is the idea of comparison. When I’m sitting down to write my book, I can’t help but think, someone else has already written about this topic and who am I to think my words will be different? Let me tell you, this is a hard argument to win inside my brain, but there is also a spark within me that says I must. Similarly, my son is not thinking about comparison when he shows me his latest masterpiece and I’m not going to be the one to point it out. He is so animated, so joyful and is stretching beyond his comfort zone – who am I to squash that? As parents we must remind ourselves not to judge the output, but to encourage the process – it really doesn’t matter what the end result is.
 
In Brene’s later books she relays how her research uncovered stories of stifled creativity where adults recall a specific moment where a family member or teacher gave them a negative reaction and they vowed to never create again. As Brene’ states above “Unused creativity doesn’t just disappear. It lives within us until it’s expressed.” We must cultivate that not only for our kids but for ourselves. There is an energy and a joy that can only be felt when you are creating. It puts into motion a momentum, that courses through your veins and invigorates you.
 
What can you do to stretch your creative muscles today? Make the time today, set all judgement aside and allow yourself the freedom to express what is uniquely yours. You might just surprise yourself, maybe not with your talent, but with the fun you have doing it.
 
Heart-FULLy yours, 
Kacey

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