 Today is a day to celebrate! After almost 4 years, 2 computers, numerous early Saturday mornings and countless cups of coffee, this morning marks my 200th post! We are often taught to be modest about our accomplishments. You may have even told your kids “it’s not nice to brag”, but this is a big deal and I’m going for it. Because think about it – have you ever done anything 200 times? It could be a physical thing, like running 200 miles in a month or holding a plank for 200 seconds. Or it could be something food related like not eating sugar for 200 days or giving up caffeine. If you haven’t, then you’ll just have to trust me, doing anything 200 times is not just a drop in the bucket. It takes commitment, dedication and most of all a true belief in what you are doing.
When I sat down four years ago to write my first blog, I wanted to start a conversation I didn’t believe parents were having. I wanted to go beyond the “We’re so busy” exchanges I was having with other moms and talk about more meaningful things. In the early days, I wasn’t quite sure the blog was “working”. People were reading, but only a few people were commenting. That was ok, I was having fun, so I kept going. After a couple months, I had a busy week and didn’t get around to posting on Saturday. I didn’t think much of it, until I got a FB message from a friend that said, “where’s the blog?” At that point, I knew that even if I couldn’t see the impact it was having, I had to keep going. So here we are, 200 posts and over 100,000 words later! What have 200 posts taught me? It’s hard to narrow it down, but here are some of my favorite topics I’ve covered:
I know time is precious and I am honored you spend a bit of your precious time reading my words. Every week I sign the blog, Heart-FULLy yours, because writing this blog, sharing these stories with you, makes my heart full. We are stronger together, supporting each other. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to support you and for supporting me in return. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Don’t miss a post – sign up to receive the blog in your inbox every week. Scroll to the top of the page and you’ll see a box to enter your email in the upper right side of the page.
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 After a long day, have you ever started a countdown to bedtime in your head? You know that feeling around 7pm (or earlier) when you think “Just one more hour and then I can _____.” Usually these thoughts are followed by feelings of guilt, but your’re just so tired! Spending all day (or even a part of your day) with little humans is exhausting! At the end of the day all you want is quiet time to unwind. I’m here to tell you, you are not alone in your desires! These feelings are not selfish and you should definitely not feel guilty about it.
The challenge is - why wait until the day is over to completely collapse? How can you find little pockets of time throughout your day to refresh yourself? In her book, Breathe Mama Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Moms, Shonda Moralis gives us easy exercises we can use throughout the day to keep our sanity. Here are a few of my favorites to get you started: 3 Breath Hug This one is so easy and can be done at any time of the day. When you are hugging your child, take three synchronized, deep breaths together. Drop your shoulders and relax your muscles. You can start your day with it, use it when you say good-bye or use it in the middle of the day to calm a tense situation. The STOP Mindful Break Stop. Take a breath. Observe and proceed. When you are in the middle of a tense situation it is easy to get caught up in emotions. It takes practice to be able to STOP in the middle of the emotion of a situation, but if you can follow these four steps, you’ll be able to find the best solution. The Driving Mindful Break This one is perfect for when you are on the go, as you drive check in with your body. Are you feeling tense? Are you worried about being late or relaxed and at ease? Have your thoughts wandered off the road? Take a moment, maybe at a red light, to drop your shoulders, relax your grip and enjoy the ride. Relax knowing you are on your way and will get there soon enough. The Waiting Mindful Break We often feel like a spare moment in our day is meant to be filled, often by looking at our phone. Next time you find yourself waiting, do a quick body scan. Start with your feet and scan up your body, feeling the sensations at every point. Stretch your legs. Relax your belly. Soften the small muscles around your mouth and eyes. Notice your breath, thoughts and feelings. These are just a few ideas to get you started. There are so many other great exercises, like the Just Dance Mindful Break, Mommy High 5’s and After Meltdown, it was hard for me to choose just a couple to highlight! No matter which one you choose to do, if you can make time to take these small breaks throughout the day, you will be less emotionally exhausted at the end of the day. Don’t worry if you forget, these all take practice. If you can work at least one of these practices into your day, you will see (and feel) a change. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Don’t miss a post – sign up to receive the blog in your inbox every week. Scroll to the top of the page and you’ll see a box to enter your email in the upper right side of the page.  Earlier this week I was reminded of a video that made the rounds a couple months ago. Parents were asked if they could have dinner with anyone, who would it be. The parent’s answers were not surprising as most picked celebrities or historical figures. Their kids were then interviewed separately and asked the same question. One of the kids asked, “Does it have to be a celebrity?” The answers the kids provided all revolved around eating dinner with family (cue the tears from the parents and anyone else watching).
There have been many iterations of videos like this where kids are interviewed and we assume we know their answer. However, we are always surprised by the honest simplicity or their answers. We are reminded time and time again, it is our time and attention our children crave from us above all else. This is not to say we shouldn’t plan family adventures to maximize the summer experience, but we should also not diminish the opportunity to do simple things together. A trip to the library, a picnic in the park or converting your living room into a movie theater are just a few things that don’t seem like a big deal to us, but can mean the world to our kids. The caveat is that no matter what it is we are doing, we do it with our full attention. This means no phones, no multi-tasking. (Did you just feel a little sinking feeling in your stomach? No multi-tasking? No phone? Is that even possible?) Give it a try, even if it is just for a short time. Too often we wait for the big event, the “special” memory, all the while missing all the small special moments in between. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey It’s not too late to take last week’s quiz on Sibling Squabbles and sign up for my email series 6 Days to Summer S.A.N.I.T.Y. Click on this link, enter your email and take the quiz online. You’ll get your first email as soon as you sign up and the good news is, if you start implementing these ideas today, you'll be one step closer to keeping the sibling squabbles in your house at a minimum.  Ah the sounds of summer - splashing in the pool, fireworks popping in the sky, and the bloodcurdling screams of “MOM!” piercing the air. We look forward to summer break all year. It’s a time when activities are at a minimum, the weather is nicer (in most parts) and there is no homework. All of these things allow us to take a deep breath, relax and slow down. However, that relaxing, easy feeling may only last a short time before the unfamiliar, long days of togetherness start to wear on everyone. Those relaxed, calm days of summer soon become peppered with arguments, unrest and lots of hurt feelings.
What’s a parent to do? How do you combat the sibling squabbles and restore peace in the kingdom? First you need to get to the root of the problem and to do so I’ve created a fun quiz. How would you best answer these questions: 1. Your morning has been fairly peaceful, the kids have been playing video games together for about an hour when you hear a bloodcurdling cry! What happens next: a. The kids seek you out to be the referee b. One sib is “Acting like The Boss” c. One got bored and tried to quit d. Nothing, everyone knows better than to interrupt Mama’s “Coffee time” 2. You plan a family day out of the house, how do you decide what to do? a. You don't, no one will ever agree so you only plan individual outings b. The oldest always decides, it’s just easier that way c. Everyone puts an idea in a hat, you pick one and pray d. Mother always knows best and decides 3. Which describes your role when you are at home with your kids? a. Talk show host b. Hostage negotiator c. Magician d. Real Housewife of Your City 4. The sibling dynamics in our house are most like: a. Batman & The Joker b. Gru & the Minions c. Bart & Lisa Simpson d. Cinderella & the Evil Stepmother 5. What song best describes a typical summer day? a. Happy, Pharrell b. Sabotage, Beastie Boys c. Bored to Death, Blink 182 d. Cruel Summer, Bananarama If you answered mostly “A’s”, the root of your children’s squabble is around their differing personalities. We all have a story about a co-worker or classmate where no matter how hard we tried, we could never get along with them. As much as we might not want to admit it, there is a chance your children have personalities that struggle to see things eye to eye. If you answered mostly “B’s”, you are living with “The Boss”. The Boss has a natural tendency for order and rules, so chances are without the normal routine of the school year, they are feeling a little out of sync. As a result, they try to take charge and bring order by telling everyone else what to do. If you answered mostly “C’s”, you are battling the perennial classic summer “I’m Bored” attitude. Think about it, everyday kids are told where to go, what to do, how to act and what to eat. Being able to make their own decisions is foreign to them. It can feel uncomfortable and overwhelming, so lashing out at a sibling may seem like their only option. If you answered mostly “D’s”, I hate to break it to you, but You are playing a major role in your children’s squabbles. You may feel like you have to step in to resolve conflicts, or protect the sibling that’s always the victim, but in the long run your interference is not helping the long term resolution. Now what? There is so much more to this topic than could ever fit in one blog post, so I created “6 Days to Summer S.A.N.I.T.Y.” Click on this link, enter your email and take the quiz online. You’ll get your first email within 24 hours. The good news is, if you start implementing these ideas today, you'll be one step closer to keeping the sibling squabbles in your house at a minimum. Many of us love the phrase, “The days are long, but the years are short”. Why allow sibling squabbles to make the days even longer than they already are? The solution is closer than you think and isn’t hard to implement once you know where to start. Start today and get back to the calm, relaxed days of summer. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey I want to hear from you – what do you think about the sources of Sibling Squabbles? Leave a comment or come on over to the Facebook page to share your thoughts.  We all know the rhyme “Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me”. It’s possible you’ve even taught that rhyme to your kids when they were young to help them through a difficult time with a friend. On the logical level the phrase makes sense, but we’ve all had experiences where words hurt far more than a stick or a stone ever could.
Earlier this week I was working with a client who was struggling with a situation with her 14-year-old daughter, Jane, who had lied to her about being on social media. My client thought she was protecting Jane by limiting her exposure on social media and had shared her concerns with Jane. My client felt like her honest and open discussion with Jane had helped Jane to understand the reasons behind her decision. But then last week, my client discovered Jane had opened an account on the social media platform anyway and lied about doing it. Of course, my client was hurt and disappointed Jane had gone against her wishes. After a couple days had gone by, Jane shared the reason why she had gone through with it was because she thought more people would like her if she was on the app. It’s a heartbreaking revelation to hear, yet we’ve all been there. Our children grow up in our houses, in a controlled environment, surrounded by people that love them unconditionally. They didn’t have to earn the love of their family and friends that surrounded them, they were loved and accepted just by the pure fact of being themselves. Now they are exposed to social media where the number of friends you have is a social measure of acceptance. It’s not enough to have a group of friends you hang out with or even a best friend, you also must have an acceptable number of people following you. It’s a new dynamic that many parents are struggling to figure out how to handle. And let’s admit, it’s hard because we are doing it too. We may not care about the number of friends we have on social media, but we do look at how many likes we got on our photo. It wasn’t that long ago that we only had to worry about the words people said hurting us. Now our children worry about who accepted their friend request, liked their photos, commented or blocked them. It is an entirely new arena for social relationships, with new rules, but the underlying truths are the same. Words, by themselves, still cannot hurt you. It all depends on the power we give those words. Are you going to give power to the words of the people around you? Are you going to let their words decide if you are happy or sad, popular or unpopular, pretty or ugly, a friend or a mean girl? Or will you give the power to your own words to decide what is important to you, who you want to be and how you want to act? The choice is not hard, but putting it into practice can be. When we find ourselves, or our kids, in a situation where words are hurting, think back – why are we giving the words the power to become sticks and stones? Shift the power to our own words and remember they are far more powerful than any word, stick or stone could ever be. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Don’t miss a post – sign up to receive the blog in your inbox every week. Scroll to the top of the page and you’ll see a box to enter your email in the upper right side of the page. |
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AuthorI started writing this blog because I wanted to have deeper conversations beyond "How are you?", "Busy", with other parents. Over the years I've shared personal stories, articles, authors and topics to facilitate conversations with parents about the joys and the challenges of parenting. |
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© 2021 Balanced Heart Coaching
Disclaimer: I may receive affiliate compensation from the resources and websites mentioned on this website.
© 2021 Balanced Heart Coaching