Originally posted 8/30/15
 
Watching your child take their first steps is an experience unlike any other.  Carefully they lift their foot, wobbling just a little, but keeping their balance just enough to take the first step.  Without realizing it, they throw caution to the wind and go for it.  They have no fear of the unknown, even though it is all unknown at this point for them.  They push aside any small bit of fear they might have and go for it.  First one foot, then the other, the momentum starts to build and usually after a few steps they tumble into the waiting arms of a cheering adult.  It is only at that point, when they are safely in your arms, that the wide smile of pride and accomplishment spreads across their face.  Everyone is cheering, happy and excited.  Moments later the parents realize their lives will never be the same again.
I read an article that said if adults had to learn to walk, most of them would quit because they would not be able to endure the amount of failure needed to succeed.  Babies must first learn to sit up without tipping over.  Once they master that skill, they try crawling, which not all babies are able to master.  Next they pull themselves to a standing position.  They use their legs for the first time to support their weight.  They fall over a lot, but we stand by clapping and encouraging them.  We pick them right back up when the fall and encourage them to keep going.  A child has an innate ability to keep trying over and over again.  Each time they get a little stronger.  They are resilient and undeterred.
After they start to walk, something happens and as parents we suddenly get more protective.  Now that they are more mobile, there are more opportunities for them to get hurt.  Parents start to hover over the child in the name of safety, inadvertently restricting the same daring instincts that helped them to start walking.  As a parent nothing pulls at your heart like seeing your child in pain, so we try to control their surroundings.  It may start with physically protecting them while they learn to walk, but then it extends to the playground and play dates with friends.  Our parental instinct tries to protect our child from feeling pain and shielding them from disappointment.  It’s easy to let that instinct go too far. 
We also know it is unrealistic to protect them from everything.  Eventually they have to face setbacks, failure and disappointment.  We can’t prepare them for those times if we shield them or stifle their experiences or handle things for them.  In her book “Rising Strong”, Brene Brown says:
“… embracing failure without acknowledging the real hurt and fear that it can cause, or the complex journey that underlies rising strong, is gold-plating grit.  To strip failure of its real emotional consequences is to scrub the concepts of grit and resilience of the very qualities that make them both so important – toughness, doggedness and perseverance.”     
Our children are going to experience hard times.  As much as we may want to breeze right over it, our job is to help our children navigate the path, feel their feelings and offer them unconditional love along the way.  We are here to support them as they face challenges head on and figure out their own way to move through it.  There will be a lot of “first steps” in your child’s life.  We need to remember all the events, stumbles and falls that lead up to taking that next “first step”   Just as it was when they were a baby trying to maintain their balance, we continue to support them all the same, offering our hand to pick them up, drying their tears when they fall and waiting with open arms to celebrate their success. 
 
Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey
 
Image by Olya Adamovich from Pixabay 
 
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It is HOT.
 
After all it’s August, traditionally the hottest month of the year in the northern hemisphere, so why am I surprised? Record highs were recorded this week in Phoenix, parts of California and I’m sure many other cities throughout the world.
 
It doesn’t help that we are literally trapped inside. When the pandemic started, I found time to get outside multiple times a day. Now at 5am, the temperatures are already pushing 80+ and if I don’t pull myself out of bed, I miss my chance for fresh air.
 
Throughout the day, I look out the window longingly. Dreaming of a fall, or winter, or spring day. I would love to feel 75 degrees for just a few hours (that’s not too much to ask).
 
I’m sure there are good reasons for the recent heat wave, global warming, lack of rain, etc. but this is not a blog on weather patterns.
 
While temperatures are literally increasing, so is the heat surrounding online debates regarding:

• masks
• school decisions
• politics & the election
• Breonna Taylor
• child trafficking
• working from home
• mental health

 
Have you noticed how cruel people can be about these topics? I understand people are passionate. I understand many of these topics feel like decisions with life and death consequences, but it is shocking to me to see the hostility of people’s words on social media.
 
If we step back, we can see these flames are being stoked by fear. People are afraid for the unknown. It’s easier to be angry than scared.
 
When we are angry (read: fearful), we find temporary comfort in people agreeing with us. Their confirmation is support we are not alone in our thoughts which tames the fear, even if just a little bit.
 
But that reassurance is short lived. It only takes the next inflammatory post, news story or email to remind us the heat hasn’t subsided, in fact it’s still rising.
 
In the middle of all this, I launched a cool new program I call “Living in Flow”. The contradiction of trying to achieve flow while living in these “unprecedented times” is not lost on me. But I thought “If not now, then when?” There is so much chaos on the outside, it seems like the perfect time to check in and give some attention to what is going on inside.
 
As you might expect, in the first week the participants were feeling the heat of all the things I listed above and more. We shared our stories and our struggles, no longer wanting to live in a pressure cooker. We walked away from the first meeting with the intention to play more and miraculously we all found time for it. Play was fun, refreshing and calming amidst the daily demands. There is more work to do, but this group is on their way to finding their flow.
 
You may be struggling to find your flow. It may seem impossible to escape the heat, after all you can’t change the weather or social pressures surrounding us. Like me, you may be looking out the window wishing things were different. We don’t always understand why things happen as they do. Every experience leaves it’s mark for the next. Will we “fight fire with fire” and risk our anger burning it all up? Or will we stay inside, accepting the heat, reflecting, and knowing cooler days are coming?
 
Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey
 
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