 “Frankfort?”
“Uh……I don’t know.” “Pierre?” “Hmm….” My son’s brow furrowed in concentration. His eyes trying to fend off the panic that was trying to creep in. “Ok, let’s skip those for now. How about Montpelier?” “Vermont!” he said triumphantly, erasing all the other emotions of doubt and worry for the time being. This was the scene in our house a couple weeks ago, memorizing the states on the map and their capitals. In class, my son and a classmate created a poster board outlining and labeling all the states in their proper location on the map. It’s funny because I remember vividly doing this in fifth grade as well, drawing a grid on the poster board, outlining every state and coloring it with colored pencils. Is it odd that thirty years later kids are still doing the same projects? The thought crossed my mind, but I quickly let it go because I did feel it was important for the kids to know where each state was on the map. While the kids worked on the map at school, at home they were asked to study for a test where they would match the capitals to the states. Do they really need to memorize these? Isn’t easier just to ask Siri? Of course, I couldn’t say any of that out loud, this was the assignment for the class and my son had to complete it, but I couldn’t help but think this was pointless. Technology has changed our lives immensely and with it has also changed the skills necessary for the new jobs it has created. “It’s Official: Future Employers Don’t Care About Your Kid’s Math Score” is an article recently published on Inc.com which discusses the shifting skillset for the jobs of the future: "Funny, isn't it? When two people solve a problem together in the workplace, it's called "collaboration." But when school kids do the same thing, it's called "cheating." At least, I used to find it funny. Ha-ha. Now, I'm dead-serious about kids working together. The World Economic Forum's 2018 Future of Jobs report summarized 10 job skills that are on the rise. Among them are three flavors of collaboration: complex problem-solving, ability to influence, and idea generation. Notably, rote memorization is trending downward as a hot skill (thank goodness). For young people looking to land their first "real job" around 2022-2025, developing these collaborative skills now is critical. And they'll need to break from current norms to do it." I feel fortunate our school has already started to “break from current norms” in some ways. Later this year instead of doing a science fair, my son’s school will participate in a STEM fair (as mentioned later in the article where students work together on projects to solve problems). Many assignments are done using computers to get the kids comfortable with using technology for more than just playing games and watching YouTube. These small changes in the curriculum will help our kids, but will it be enough? At the end of the article, the author uses the subheading of “The exploration generation” and writes: "So on the one hand, it's a shame that well-rounded education has fallen out of fashion as parents obsessed with brand-name colleges railroad their kids down a single, linear educational track. On the other hand, it's a golden opportunity for kids whose parents are more flexible. These days, exploring a wide variety of subjects feels like cheating because you're bucking the trend. But viewed through the lens of future employability and success, going broad instead of deep is downright savvy. Not to mention a whole lot of fun." Just as the school curriculum has changed and the skills necessary for future jobs has changed, so too must we change as parents. We were raised to believe there are “good” grades and “bad” grades. “Good” grades meant you would get a “good” job and be able to take care of yourself, whereas if you had “bad” grades, you would surely struggle in the future. It’s not that simple any more. We have plenty of examples of people with Ivy League educations mired in debt and unable to find a job that will help pay all their bills. On the flip side, there are stories of entrepreneurs who never finished high school but had a great idea and became successful. Right now, grades are the only thing we have right now to measure “success”. In this deeply competitive world, grades plus test scores are the only way to evaluate students to determine who gets into a school with limited space. But as collaboration, problem solving, and creative ideas become more and more important, it’s probable the entire grading system will be forced to undergo a complete overhaul. How would you even put a grade on a new idea? If you can’t grade it, does that make it less important, less relevant or less impactful? Those changes won’t happen while most of our kids are in school, so for now we will have to play within the current rules. But at the same time, we as parents can become more flexible. We can encourage our kids to enjoy learning and developing their skills. Instead of just memorizing for the test and celebrating (or commiserating) over the results, we can praise the process and the possibility. I know this is hard for many parents. We strongly believe “good” grades are the only grades that matter and often it’s the source of a lot of stressful conversations in our households. But the next time you find yourself worried about a grade your child got on a test or in a class, I want you to ask yourself this question “How did knowing Frankfort was the capital of Kentucky help me get to where I am today?” Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Don’t miss a post – sign up to receive the blog in your inbox every week. Scroll to the top of the page and you’ll see a box to enter your email in the upper right side of the page.
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 Originally posted 9/28/14
A few months ago, I was introduced to Dr. Shefali Tsabary and her book The Conscious Parent when she was interviewed by Oprah on Super Soul Sunday. Her ideas on Conscious Parenting are so simple and logical, yet so difficult at the same time. After the interview, I immediately bought her book so that I could learn more. That book is now filled with underlines, highlights and sticky notes. I shared some of my favorite quotes in earlier blogs, but I knew I had barely scratched the surface. Now imagine my excitement when I learned that Dr. Shefali would be speaking at a small event less than fifteen minutes from my house! She spoke for about an hour and then spent about thirty minutes taking questions from the audience. She touched on so many relevant topics faced by parents every day that it would be difficult to sum up in one post. Here are a couple of my favorite topics that really got me thinking. Dr. Shefali began by asking a few members of the audience what they hoped to get out of this talk. After receiving a few responses, she illustrated that even though each individual answer was different, they all started with a belief that led to an agenda that lead to an expectation that would ultimately result in a reaction. Not only do we attend a lecture with these beliefs, agendas, expectations and reactions, but we also project them onto our relationships with our children. When our children act out, we think that means there is something that we have to fix. She shared that there is no checklist you can tick off to change a child’s behavior. At its core, being a Conscious Parent requires us to look deeper at ourselves and fix ourselves. It is only in fixing ourselves that we will fix our children. Dr. Shefali said it best when she said, “You have to be able to navigate your own landscape before you can help your children navigate theirs.” Stop reading and sit with that for a minute. How well are you navigating your internal landscape? What kind of energy are you putting out there? Dr. Shefali told us a story of a mother who felt she was protecting her children by not talking about one of her fears. The mother was shocked to realize that her daughter had developed the same fear, in spite her best efforts not to talk about it. The bottom line, kids are smarter than we give them credit for. They are observing you at all times trying to learn how to be. They watch your reactions, your body language and instinctively feel the energy (positive and negative) that you bring to every interaction. The next time your child reacts in a way that you don’t like, evaluate how your energy contributed to the situation. Another topic we discussed was how to address body image with our daughters. Our natural instinct is to try to fix it by discrediting those that said the cruel remarks or talk about the unrealistic expectations of our culture or to change their diet. Dr. Shefali emphasized that we must resist all temptation to engage in this level of the conversation. We do not have to get caught up in trying to fix what other people say. In doing so we imply that what other people say matters. What we must focus on with our daughters is that they feel worthy within themselves. In Dr. Shefali’s words “Don’t give your power away. No one can make you feel unworthy.” Whoa. How many of us struggle with this even as adults? Why should we let what anyone else says or does drag us down? Written out it seems so simple, but this is definitely a situation that is easier said than done. And more so if we model a behavior for our daughters where we don’t feel worthy, they will see right through it. However if we can stay centered, if we can model a behavior where we hold our own power, then we will raise our daughters to be strong and confident women. You’re probably thinking, this sounds easy but in reality is so hard. Dr. Shefali agrees. She describes it as a muscle that needs to be trained. You build it up over continued practice and repetition. It may be that you are only able to be a Conscious Parent for ten minutes a day and that’s okay. Ten minutes where you have broken free of your fear based beliefs, agendas and expectations. Within those ten minutes you are able to make a true connection with your child. You might ask what were Dr. Shefali’s most powerful words of the day? “It’s never too late to start.” Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Don’t miss a post – sign up to receive the blog in your inbox every week. Scroll to the top of the page and you’ll see a box to enter your email in the upper right side of the page. |
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AuthorI started writing this blog because I wanted to have deeper conversations beyond "How are you?", "Busy", with other parents. Over the years I've shared personal stories, articles, authors and topics to facilitate conversations with parents about the joys and the challenges of parenting. |
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© 2021 Balanced Heart Coaching
Disclaimer: I may receive affiliate compensation from the resources and websites mentioned on this website.
© 2021 Balanced Heart Coaching