 “Do I have to have mashed potatoes? What about stuffing? I really don’t like stuffing.” The morning before our Thanksgiving dinner, my twelve-year-old daughter was pre-planning her plate. She was ready to negotiate what had to be on her plate and what could be left off. I replied “No, you don’t have to have those, but if you don’t, then what are you going to eat besides turkey?”. Without hesitation, she said “Yams! I love yams!”
I bring up this story for two reasons. The first is that it gave me an opportunity to talk about food choices with my daughter. As parents one of our major responsibilities is feeding our children. This can be a huge challenge if you have a picky eater or if it’s late, after a long day of work and you need to get something edible on the table. In any scenario, for the most part, it is the parent placing food in front of the child. This can make the child feel like they don’t have much of a choice in what they eat. Then when they are in a situation where they do get to choose, they fill their plate with only the things they like. (This likely means there is not a vegetable in sight.) No matter what, this is a great conversation to have with them before you get to dinner. You can to discuss portions and food selection and it will give your child the autonomy to make their own choices and feel like a “big kid” in an adult situation. We can also learn something else by looking at our child’s plate. When given the freedom to choose, they only take things they want to eat. Adults love to say “I have so much on my plate” (which we all know has nothing to do with food). What if we only filled our “plate” with the things that we really liked? What if we didn’t put things on our plate out of obligation or because we were afraid that someone’s feelings were going to get hurt if we didn’t? Most likely we’d have to take some things off of the plate, which might mean saying “no”, but wouldn’t it be so much fun to have a plate filled with things you were excited about? Wouldn’t it be great to pre-plan your daily plate knowing you were going to leave the mashed potatoes behind so you could have more room for yams? Does the thought of taking things off your plate cause you to break out into a cold sweat? Let’s start with this - what is something you love to do that you never have time for? Start small. It doesn’t have to be a major project that will take hours to complete. Maybe it is talking to an old friend or sending a card to let someone know you are thinking of them or maybe it is a random act of kindness. This week I want you to clear some room on your plate so that you have the time to do something you really enjoy doing. We spend the holidays filling ourselves up with wonderful food, why not also fill ourselves up with the activities that we love to do? Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey The holidays are here! Are you feeling like there is no way to make room on your plate? Let’s set up time to talk. Direct message or email me at balancedheartcoaching.com and we’ll set up time this week to get you ready for whatever might come your way.
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 How is it already the weekend before Thanksgiving? The last two months have been a whirlwind of travel, so it’s only natural that I’m feeling like this has crept up on me a bit. Don’t get me wrong, this is my favorite time of year. Thanksgiving is the kick off for the holiday season. The weeks that follow are always full of love, happiness and giving. For the most part people are more patient, more kind and more giving during this time of year. You take the time to show the people in your life how much they mean to you. You take time out to help those in need by donating your time and/or your money. And yet for all the goodness that happens during this time, there is another emotion creeps in…..stress!
If you think about it, it’s kind of an odd phenomena. We are surrounded with gratitude, love and appreciation and yet we can’t just let that be it. We allow stress and worry to creep in. The stress that creeps in can be around a relationship with a family member – what are they going to do or say that will make our family celebration uncomfortable? The stress can be around the food – who is (or is not) bringing food? Or what if the food does not turn out perfectly and doesn’t taste good, what will people think? Or am I going to eat too much and gain weight? You can probably think of other things and situations that add stress to the holidays – another big one may be how will my child act and what will my family say about it? The list could go on and on, but the real question is – what are you going to do about it? Are you going to allow the stress to negatively impact you and your mood? Or are you going to choose differently? In her book The Universe Has Your Back, Gabrielle Bernstein says “Joy is a choice you make.” I couldn’t agree more, but during the holidays it’s harder to remember you have this choice (especially when you are at the mall surrounded by irritated shoppers). Last year I challenged my readers to decrease their holiday stress by looking for reminders of joy in everyday life. It was so much fun to see the pictures people posted where they found the word joy in unexpected places. The most surprising was on the side of a water tower! This year I’m challenging all of you again – keep your eye out for joy this holiday season. It could be the word “joy” or if you see something that makes you joyful, snap a picture of that too. Post your pictures on Facebook or Instagram with #FindJoy or #joychallenge. Let’s fill our social media pages over these next few weeks with images so we can remind ourselves, and each other, of the joy and love that surrounds us every day. Joy-FULLy Yours, Kacey The holidays are coming – are you ready for the craziness that comes along with it? Let’s set up time to talk! Direct message or email me at balancedheartcoaching.com and we’ll set up time this week to get you ready for whatever might come your way.  “Can’t you just go to a fancy dinner like last year?” our 8-year old son pleaded the night before we left for our anniversary get-a-way. “I know you’ll miss us honey and we’ll miss you too. I promise you will have fun with Grandma and Grandpa.” It’s never easy to leave your kids, but when the stars align and you get a rare opportunity to mix a work trip with an anniversary celebration, you just can’t pass that up.
Some parents might have anxiety leaving their kids. How will they handle our daily routines? What will the kids eat? Will they get enough sleep? The list could go on and on. I can understand those feelings to a point, but you must choose the couple things that are most important and let the rest work itself out. Naturally, prior to leaving there was a list of who had to be where, on what day, with what homework, etc. etc. Even though instructions were left, I knew they were going to do things their way. Maybe bedtimes were later, there were more sweets than usual and different routes were taken to school – but that’s the small stuff and it doesn’t matter! They were fed, made it to practice, went to school and slept, beyond that the details in between did not matter. We were so grateful my parents could stay with our kids while we got time away. Did our kids miss us? Sure, they did, but have they been scarred for life because we spent six days apart? Absolutely not, in fact, being apart allowed us to recharge our batteries and come back appreciating each other more. With the kids taken care of, we left for Miami ready to cruise around the Bahamas and Key West. Though we were “alone”, you are never alone on a cruise ship, especially when that ship includes 200 co-workers, but mixing business and pleasure with this group was not a bad thing. There is so much respect, admiration and appreciation these people all have for each other, it is amazing to be a witness to. They all knew it was our anniversary and the heartfelt wishes they gave us were so genuine. Not only that, but the outpouring of love on our Facebook posts from friends near and far, touched us and made us feel like rock stars for a day. This year was our Sweet Sixteen Anniversary and for the first time it sounds like a very long time. When people asked us how long, most people reacted with wow or congratulations. There was only one woman who said “Oh you guys are just babies.” Many marriages never make it to this point, so it got me thinking – how have we made it work? Of course, there are multiple reasons but if I had to boil it down to just one thing, it’s that we’ve both been willing to grow. We are not the same two people that stood at that altar in Westchester sixteen years ago. We’ve challenged each other and made the other analyze why they feel the way they do about something. It’s made us better listeners. It’s taught us how to have more patience (something that neither one of us thought was possible). We have had to reevaluate and redefine priorities and then identify the things that are okay to let slide. We’ve learned to accept that if it’s important that the kitchen counter be spotless before bed, then it’s up to you do it because you can’t expect the other to be as passionate about a clear counter as you are. :-) Now we are back, refreshed and ready for the hustle and bustle to begin again. Appreciating even more this wonderful life we have built around us and the people we are blessed to have as a part of it. Realizing that there is still a lot more growing for us to do. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey The holidays are coming – are you ready for the craziness that comes along with it? Let’s set up time to talk! Direct message or email me at balancedheartcoaching.com and we’ll set up time this week to get you ready for whatever might come your way.  We are all familiar with the phrase “it’s the journey, not the destination,” but as I sat on my flight to New York a couple weeks ago I had a hard time enjoying the long flight when there was so much to look forward to when I landed. As I sat there, I started to think about all the people on the plane. We were all headed to the same airport, but that is where our destination similarities ended. Everyone on the flight was traveling for a different reason. They could have been just starting out or heading home. They could have been traveling for business or vacation, to visit family or to be alone. We all had our own plans, our own unique way of arriving at our final destination, wherever and however that may be.
At no point in time did anyone on the flight turn to the person across the aisle and say “I know you have your own plans, but I really think you should come with me because I think my plans are better than yours.” That would be ridiculous, right? But how often to do we do that to our children (or our spouse/family/friends), coaxing them along in the direction that we think is right and not giving much credence to their own journey? We think we are being helpful. We think that since we have been down this road before, it is our duty to share our wisdom so that the same mistakes aren’t made. But what if they need to see it for themselves so they can experience it, learn from it and then grow in their own unique way? As we watch from the sidelines, we must resist the urge to do our best Siri impression and shout “return to the route”. Mentally we know it is the journey that counts, but it is often difficult to remember that thought when we are in the middle of our road or watching someone stumble their own road. We look for ways to make the journey easier. We look to alleviate the pain or challenges we might face along the way. As much as we tell ourselves it’s about the journey, it’s hard not to be in a hurry to get to the destination. A couple weeks ago, Dr. Shefali opened the Evolve conference by talking about the process a caterpillar must go through to become a butterfly. We’ve all heard the story before and have been so focused on the emergence of the butterfly that we overlook what it takes to get there. Maya Angelou said “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” Like a cocoon is to a butterfly, so is the journey to the destination. We can surround ourselves with all the outside support and love that we need, but in the end the journey/cocoon is a personal experience. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey The holidays are coming – are you ready for the craziness that comes along with it? Let’s set up time to talk! Direct message or email me at balancedheartcoaching.com and we’ll set up time this week to get you ready for whatever might come your way. |
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AuthorI started writing this blog because I wanted to have deeper conversations beyond "How are you?", "Busy", with other parents. Over the years I've shared personal stories, articles, authors and topics to facilitate conversations with parents about the joys and the challenges of parenting. |
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© 2021 Balanced Heart Coaching
Disclaimer: I may receive affiliate compensation from the resources and websites mentioned on this website.
© 2021 Balanced Heart Coaching