 We’ve all heard some version of the quote “What you focus on expands”. With that quote in mind three years ago I started the Joy Challenge, where I encouraged readers to look for the word Joy throughout their day to focus on the fun of the holiday season instead of the stress that so often takes over. It’s hard to believe it’s been five years since my first post on Joy that originally planted the seed for the challenge.
Repost from 12/21/13 There is a commercial on TV that shows clips of children opening presents. Clip after clip of that moment of pure joy and excitement when the child recognizes what is under the wrapping. I can’t help but smile when I see it because there is nothing like the feeling of watching your child, or anyone, open a gift that you’ve picked out and see their excitement. There is an innocence in the moment. No feelings or emotions are held back. The pure joy of the moment is contagious, it’s palpable. There is a physical reaction that you feel inside of you. This time of year, we see “joy” literally everywhere we turn – on Christmas cards, in store windows, advertisements and ornaments. In songs we sing “Joy to the World”, “Repeat the sounding joy” and “Tidings of comfort and joy”. The word joy is unavoidable in the month of December, but are we paying attention? Can you remember the last time you felt joy? When there is a to-do list a mile long, is there time to relax enough to experience joy. And sometimes when we are faced with a joyful moment, we often hold back or resist feeling joy. We’re skeptical. We think that if things are good now something bad must be around the corner. It’s as if we try to prepare ourselves for the disappointment. Author Brene’ Brown calls this “foreboding joy” - when we immediately follow up a joyful feeling or emotion with the feeling that something bad is going to happen. We attempt to “dress-rehearse the tragedy” as if by expecting it, the hurt of the tragedy will be lessened. What she’s found through her research is that the dress rehearsal does not take away, or lessen, the emotion when something bad does actually happen. The only thing that happens is that you’ve missed out on the full experience of the joyful event. She goes on to say that the difference she found when interviewing joyful people is that “instead of dress rehearsing the tragedy, they practice gratitude.” By reminding themselves of all that they have to be grateful for, they are able to fully enJOY the moment. What brings you joy? Have you experienced it in the last day? Week? Month? If not, why not? You have many opportunities to feel joy throughout the week; embrace them and appreciate them. Children experience joyful moments every day because they are open to them. See the world through their eyes and experience again how powerful joy can feel. JOY-FULLy yours, Kacey Don’t miss a post – sign up to receive the blog in your inbox every week. Scroll to the top of the page and you’ll see a box to enter your email in the upper right side of the page.
0 Comments
 After our long hot summers, we look forward to the fall and winter. It’s amazing how you can detect the cool elements as they start to creep in and relieve us of our hot, dry summer air. As much as the transition of the seasons is a welcome relief for most of us desert dwellers, it always spells trouble for a family like ours who battle asthma and allergies.
When our kids were younger, it was like clock-work, we knew a respiratory illness was coming, we just never knew exactly what week it would happen. The runny nose would start but it was so hard to tell whether it was caused by blooming Jacaranda trees or whether there was an illness behind it. On top of the allergies, both our kids suffered from asthma. I would count the number of breaths they took in a minute trying to gauge whether their breathing was getting more labored as the day/night went on. Those were such hard days. It broke my heart to watch my baby struggling to breathe. I would have done anything, including breathe for them, if it would have helped them to feel better. I felt so helpless trying to guess what hurt and tried just about everything to make them feel better. I kept thinking, if only they had the words to explain what was going on this would be so much easier. I could help them and get them exactly what they needed to start feeling better. I knew those days would come but I had to be patient. Of course, those days did come, when they could tell me when their chest was feeling tight and they needed a breathing treatment. They could tell me when their heads were feeling stuffy and when their tummies felt icky. As they grew up and started school, they eventually grew out of some of the season changing illnesses. We took more preventative steps to minimize the impact of all those blooms. They would still get sick, but it felt less like guessing and more of a collaborative effort to help get them healthy again. Now we’ve reached a phase that caught me by surprise. I should have seen it coming, but as a multi-tasking mom, this one slipped under my radar. Those adorable little faces I used to fret over while they slept, wishing they could share their symptoms with me, now share so much they have me wondering…….are they telling the truth? At fourteen and ten, this is a new wrinkle to the phrase “I’m sick”. Of course, I feel guilty even typing this and outing myself that I wouldn’t trust the health of my kids, but I know I’m not alone. Now I have mornings where one of the kids will wake up, walk slowly over to me, eyes barely open and whisper in their groggiest voice “I’m sick”. I pull them close and comfort them as a series of rapid-fire questions whirl through my mind. Were they sick last night or did this come on all of a sudden? Are they trying to avoid something at school? What does my schedule look like, can I stay home with them? Do I need to schedule a doctor’s appointment? Can I fill them with medicine and have them gut it out and see how it goes? Are they really sick or are they looking for a day off? What will they miss at school? Will they be able to catch up? And on and on, I’m sure you can think of a few more. Ultimately, I’m faced with the question, do I believe they are sick? I feel bad doubting my kids, part of me thinks if you are sick then of course stay home and I will nurse you back to health. But the other side of me thinks, you are fine, suck it up and stick it out so you don’t have to make up your school work. There are pros and cons to each side, but regardless of the decision, I feel guilty. If I let them stay home, I make it the most boring day possible by limiting their time on electronics, forcing them to take a nap and making them do extra homework so they don’t fall behind. By one o’clock they’re so bored they wished they had just gone to school. Another idea I’ve been considering for my high school student is giving her an allotted number of sick days per year, similar to the way companies manage sick time. For example, she can have four sick days per school year. Sure, she could use them on a day she’s not sick, but then if she does get sick and doesn’t have any days left, she would have to go to school. It seems like a good way for her to learn how to manage her time and decisions, but at the same time, it’s hard for me to release my belief that if you are healthy you should be in school. Sick kids are no fun, regardless of their age. When your kids pass their germs back and forth to each other, it seems like there is no end in sight. My best advice is to hang in there and trust your gut, you know your kids better than anyone and your instinct is probably right. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Don’t miss a post – sign up to receive the blog in your inbox every week. Scroll to the top of the page and you’ll see a box to enter your email in the upper right side of the page.  If we were all in a room together, I would ask with a show of hands – how many of you have had a moment this week where you feel like you were a “bad” mom? My guess is that almost every hand in the room would go up because as moms we tend to be very hard on ourselves. Most moms feel like they should be doing more, cooking healthier, limiting screen time, getting more sleep or engaging in more activities to better prepare our kids for life outside of our house.
In the last week, I’ve talked to mom friends about the guilt of missing their kids and being relieved that they weren’t around all in the same breath. In another conversation, a mom admitted she’s not sure she even likes being a mom and the tasks that come along with it. And a third expressed her utter exhaustion of mind and body after a long day with a toddler. These are not unique stories. Each of us feels some version of one of these at least once a day. Social media is filled with similar posts where these moms receive messages of support assuring them, they are not alone in their feelings. If we all feel this way, at least at some point or another, what are we doing about it? In our “let’s fix it” society, this seems to be a yolk moms pick up when they become pregnant and never set down. I highly doubt any of us wake up in the morning and think – today I’m going to do what I can do be a “bad” mom. No way. I think we all wake up, tired or refreshed, looking forward to or dreading what is going to happen throughout the day. But regardless of our outlook, I believe we always set out at the beginning of the day to do the best we can. Whether we acknowledge it or not, we try our best in the moment. Sometimes our best is not what we would like it to be, but again, it’s not that we are intentionally trying to be “bad” or screw things up. So, if we are not intentionally trying to do a “bad” job, then why are we so worried about it? We beat ourselves up over a time we lost it and yelled, or a missed ball game, thinking that we now have to “make it up” to our child. We seek validation, sometimes from our kids, sometimes from those around us that we are doing a “good” job as a mom. If enough people tell us we were right or that it’s ok, it somehow calms our ego enough to let it go…..until the next time something similar happens and you are right back to that feeling of being a “bad” mom. We are so accustomed to receiving feedback from others, we never take the time to look to see why everyone else’s opinion matters so much. For all the wonderful connections social media has allowed us to have, it has also given us instant gratification (or demoralization) of how many likes or comments we have gotten from a post. In this constant pursuit of external validation, we stop listening to the voice that matters the most, our own. We spend hours chasing validation from all of those around us, when instead we should be listening to the voice that has always been with us. (You know that little voice that knows with just a look that your child doesn’t feel good or has had a bad day with a friend. It’s that same voice that knows without a doubt you are doing the best you can in each moment). How about instead of being a Bad Mom or a Good Mom, we just show up as a Mom? The most basic requirement of the job is to keep the child alive, what comes beyond that is up to you and them. How about we focus more on our connection with these little human not their achievements? Instead of racing for an invisible finish line in the distance, we meander through the park chasing a butterfly. How about we stop worrying about what other people define as being a good or a bad mom and just be the most supportive person we know how to be? Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Don’t miss a post – sign up to receive the blog in your inbox every week. Scroll to the top of the page and you’ll see a box to enter your email in the upper right side of the page.  Busy = Breathless
I wrote this down in my planner earlier this week as the thought just popped into my head as they sometimes do. Busy = Breathless What could that mean? The obvious is that many of us find ourselves literally running from one thing to another, leaving us breathless upon arrival. How many of us have schedules that are so full, we don’t have time to relax for just a second and take a deep breath? In the hurry and hustle of our everyday lives, we fill our schedules and our lives with so much. We cross paths with a friend and recount how busy we are and even the act of telling them leaves us breathless. Busy = Breathless In the colder months we can see our breath. Remember the awe and wonder we had as children when we realized we could “see” our breath. We’d take a deep breath and blow it out to see the plumes form in the cold air. We’d squeal in delight at the pure joy of it. But when the days are warmer our breath is invisible. Of course, we know it is there, but when you are busy, there is always something else right in front of you that requires your immediate attention. Days and weeks can go by without a second thought to look for or think about our breath. We take it for granted until it becomes a problem and only then, when we are sick or congested, do we slow down long enough to find a remedy, so we can get back out there. Remember a time your child came running up to you clearly upset about something? When you asked what was wrong the words came spilling out of their mouth at a rapid, nearly unintelligible pace. At that point, you probably said something like slow down, calm down, start from the beginning or take a deep breath. It’s second nature to tell our kids to take a deep breath, but do we ever follow our own advice? Busy = Breathless Beyond our children feeling upset, we don’t really give much thought to breathing. It happens automatically, without thought and usually without effort. (Side note: watching my child struggle to breathe as a baby with RSV was one of the hardest things I’ve had to witness. The feeling of pure helplessness and not being able to help them is like no other.) We don’t usually give much thought to breathing. It just happens. And because it is largely in the background, we don’t pay much attention to it. But if you think about it breathing is more important than the food we eat. We can live without food for days, but we can’t live without oxygen for more than a few minutes. By taking just a few deep breaths you can reduce your stress levels, calm your anxiety, reduce inflammation, improve your blood flow and increase your energy levels, just to name a few. It is something that is always with you and available to you, no special place, equipment or training required. We simply have to remember to do it. And that of course is the hardest thing, if it’s not on the to-do list it doesn’t get done, but can we afford not to do it? We are now in the first days of November, the unofficial kick-off of the holiday season, which means that our already busy lives are about to increase exponentially. We’ve talked before about how being busy is a badge of honor for moms. Between the demands of your children, errands, chores and work of your own, there is often little “free time” (and if there is free time, we guiltily fill it with something else to get a few more things done). Between the end of the year book reports, recitals, family events, cooking, etc., the first thing to go will be the little self-care you are able to fit in. But this practice of taking a few lung-filling, deep breaths can happen anywhere and at any time. You can do it whenever you get in and out of the car, or while you are washing your hands, or while you are walking from one thing to the next. It only takes ten seconds: breathe in for four, hold it for two and breathe out for four. Can you find ten seconds in your day? Don’t let your busy leave you breathless. Heart-FULLy Yours, Kacey Don’t miss a post – sign up to receive the blog in your inbox every week. Scroll to the top of the page and you’ll see a box to enter your email in the upper right side of the page. |
Categories
All
Archives
June 2021
AuthorI started writing this blog because I wanted to have deeper conversations beyond "How are you?", "Busy", with other parents. Over the years I've shared personal stories, articles, authors and topics to facilitate conversations with parents about the joys and the challenges of parenting. |
RSS Feed
|
|
Privacy Policy
Disclaimer: I may receive affiliate compensation from the resources and websites mentioned on this website.
© 2021 Balanced Heart Coaching
Disclaimer: I may receive affiliate compensation from the resources and websites mentioned on this website.
© 2021 Balanced Heart Coaching