I’ve been struggling this week.

Maybe it was writer’s block?

Or I could blame 2020 (which for the rest of our lives will be an acceptable noun, verb, adjective or adverb).

I have been at a loss for words on what to say about a holiday that feels very different this year.
Then yesterday, as I was scrolling on Facebook, I read the following story posted by a friend:

My 5-year-old and 4-year-old were having a heated debate on if the words to a song were Her way or His way. These are the conclusions we ended up talking about:
1. You don’t have to agree
2. THE BEST THING about each of us is that we are different, we all think, act and see things different. How amazing is it that not ONE of us is the same
3. Don’t yuck on someone else’s yum.
4. Be kind and respectful of others opinions
5. You have something to learn in everything you do, everyone you meet and everything you see

I love each of the points this Wise Mama discussed with her little ones, but my favorite is #3 “Don’t yuck on someone’s yum”. We all have at least one Thanksgiving dish we continue to make year after year, that no one really likes, but it’s tradition so you make it anyway. Or maybe, you have a family favorite that when you describe it to someone else, they can’t see how that combination of foods could be palatable.

It is easy for us “yuck on someone’s yum” because it is outside of what we know. We like the things we like. They are satisfying. We know they will make us happy, so we stick with the tried and true.

Exploring what we think is a yuck, requires us to go beyond our comfort zone. The results are unknown, and it could be unpleasant, but it could also lead to something unexpected.     

When we think about Thanksgiving, we get that “yum” feeling thinking about the food, family and traditions surrounding the day. This year the food will be prepared differently. There will be fewer faces around the table and traditions will be placed on hold. For all those reasons, no one would blame you if Thanksgiving is feeling a little more “yuck” this year.

Like so many things, it comes back to our Expectations. Over years of celebrating, we come to associate Thanksgiving with specific colors, smells, tastes, people, places, stories, feelings.  Those associations fuel our Expectations and become our comfort zone. They give us a warm, “yum” feeling and define what the holiday should be. But what happens when our Expectations don’t match reality? When we can’t gather, or travel, or cook, or play? Those “yuck” feelings start to rise.

My advice is to allow it to be different. Who said you can’t have pizza and ice cream sundaes for Thanksgiving? Make it fun. Make it easy. Get the kids involved. You have the chance to make this year whatever you want. Keep the traditions you love and make new ones for years to come. “Yum” comes in many flavors, this year will taste different but will be no less delicious.

Thank-FULLy Yours,   
Kacey

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Photo by Alfred Schrock on Unsplash

Hi Everyone, it’s been a while since I posted, what’s new?

Nothing?

Yeah, me too….. unless you count the fact I started writing a blog two weeks ago about my daughter’s trips to the ER (twice, in twenty-four hours) and I can’t seem to finish it (spoiler alert – she is totally fine now). Or the fact that work is crazy, and my analytics clients seem to have forgotten there is a pandemic while expecting record growth in Q4. Not to mention my phone buzzes all day with text messages and voicemails from people I don’t know, who feel the need to remind me about the “important” issues related to the election. Oh, and despite this not being a “normal” Halloween, my house managed to attract a ton of candy. (Ok, well maybe I bought some of it….who can resist those bags on the shelf?) And SOMEHOW it is November! I’m not quite sure how that is possible, but that’s what day my phone says it is, so I’m going with it.

So, I’m good. It’s all good. I’m just livin’ the life, ya know?  

It’s a lot isn’t it? Let’s pause for a minute and take a deep breath. Fill your lungs with as much air as you can, hold it for a second and then blow it all out. That feels so good, why don’t we do it more often? Do it again if you need to, I know it always makes my body feel a small sense of relief and calm when I remember to just breathe.

A couple weeks ago, I was listening to the Brene Brown podcast, Unlocking Us and she was interviewing the authors of the book “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle”. The authors are sisters, Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski, and in the interview one of the things they explained was how stress gets stuck in our bodies because we don’t release the stressor after it is gone. They explain when the stress occurs, we go into fight, flight or flee. Whether we are in physical danger, or dealing with a tantruming toddler, the stress response engages neurological and physiological shifts within your body to help you survive. Your digestion slows down, immune system shifts and tissue growth and repair slow. In other words, when a stress situation occurs there are changes in your body and your mind. We are taught to handle cause of the stress, let’s say by leaving the store to stop the tantrum. We’ve eliminated the stressor, but the stress response still lives in our body. The authors explain we need to do something to signal to our body it is safe and can relax. Physical movement is the best way to release the stress and complete the stress cycle. You can do something as simple as stretching and breathing, having a dance party or going for a run. Anything to move the energy will help your body know it is safe.

Stress is always present in our modern lives, but it seemed like the perfect topic to write about days before the election. We are being inundated by ads on our phone, in the mail, on TV and online. My 12-year-old is reciting tag lines from the attack ads against both senators running in our state. (Why are politicians running ads on YouTube channels about Minecraft, Fortnight and trick shots? They have the data to target or not target certain demographics, so why buy ads on channels with an average age under 18? I digress.)

No matter who wins, we are going to wake up on Wednesday and the kids will be hungry, we’ll have piles of laundry waiting and dishes will be stacked in the sink. Life will keep going.

In one of the later chapters, the authors explain one reason we burnout is because we are faced with situations where we feel helpless. They do a great job explaining how this helplessness arises and provide concrete examples. The net result is every day we are faced with obstacles that require more effort and energy than the easier parts of life. To explain how to move past this, they use a reference from the movie Finding Nemo:
“If you just keep swimming, you’ll find your way. And when your brain wants to give up because there is no land in site, you keep swimming, not because you’re certain swimming will take you where you want to go, but to prove to yourself you can still swim.”

If you’re feeling helpless or hopeless, please reach out for support. We’ve done a lot of hard things this year, things we never could have imagined we could live through (one-ply toilet paper – the horror!). But no matter how hard it got, we made it through and lived to see another day. This week will be no different. Let’s be here for each other, support each other, regardless of our similarities or differences. We are all one, we can all be united.

Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey

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I’ve been talking a lot about “Living in Flow” and I’m sure many of you are skeptical.
 
You may be thinking – flow is such a "woo-woo" thing to say and “promise” people, but you don’t know MY life and I GUARANTEE you; it will not work for me.
 
I totally get where you are coming from, probably because I was once in your shoes. It’s hard for me to define “flow” in a way that will work for everyone. Maybe the best thing to do is to explain to you how my day went today……
 

• Most weekends I finish writing the blog as the sun comes up. This week I am finishing the blog as the sun goes down.

 

• I expected a slow, relaxing morning, drinking hot coffee. Instead there was an unexpected trip to urgent care (everyone is fine), while my coffee waited to be in placed into the microwave.

 

• An anticipated tournament full of opportunity, ended with disappointment and frustration.

 

• Some chores got done (laundry and a needed haircut), but many did not (grocery shopping, house cleaning and weekly prep).

 
Is it frustrating to think about how many things didn’t get done this weekend? Yes, of course it is. Many of us live our lives according to our checklist. We are determined to make the most of each moment, to fit everything possible into our “free” time to make sure it all gets done and to meet all of our expectations.

Living in Flow means when you feel frustration start to set in, you recognize it. You give yourself a split second to realize - I can either resist and fight against what is going on (i.e. an unexpected trip to urgent care) or I can accept it for what it is. I know that this is hard. I know that this sounds and seems difficult. I know when you are in the moment it is impossible not to react……..
 
Living in Flow is accepting what is happening around you and making the best of it.
 
Living in Flow is looking at all you expect to do and asking the question – is this really important?
 
Living in Flow is recognizing you are pushing against an immovable obstacle and wondering what will happen if I allow myself to move around it instead of through it?
 
It’s not easy.
 
It Never is and never is going to be.
 
But, Living in Flow allows you to give yourself grace on the hard days and joy on the flowing days.
 
They say, “the days are long, but the years are short” and I have felt both sides of that statement. The best antidote to those long days is to release the expectations and allow yourself to accept the day as it comes to you.
 
Now is the time for you to make powerful shifts that will change your quality of life forever. This Experience will help you achieve the flow you are longing for. Registration for our October Living in Flow Group is now open, I hope you will join us.
 
Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey

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Image by engin from unsplash 

Recently, I was reminded of a post I wrote a few years ago on Separation Anxiety.  It’s always fun to reread these posts to see where my thoughts were at that point and how they have changed or stayed the same.

In the post I wrote:
Typically, when we think about separation anxiety we think about the child.  We think about the tears, tantrums and the vice-like grip they have on your leg making it impossible to leave.  It is understandable why the child does not want you to leave, it represents change in their routine or change in the norm of what they have become accustomed to.  However, children are single-threaded.  What I mean by that is that once they have adjusted to the “new” environment they are completely in that new moment.  This is evident when you come to pick your child up.  You may have left them crying for you, but now they do not want to leave because they are enjoying the environment they are in.

Most parents can attest to having this experience. It is heart-wrenching to leave a child who is having a difficult time and doesn’t want you to go. We try to soothe them with extra hugs and kisses or distract them with toys or a special snack, but many times it just doesn’t work. I can’t tell you the number of times I had to walk away, leaving my child crying in the arms of the teacher, feeling heartless and devastated for causing my child so much pain.
 
Change is hard no matter what your age is. We are living in a time where we have separated from our old routines. What was “normal” last year at this time has been turned upside down. We have been forced to look at every facet of our lives from a different perspective.
  
We are about six months in and by now have gotten over the initial shock of all this change. It is tempting to find a way to go back to what was comfortable. By retreating to what we once knew, we could try to stop the tears, pain and discomfort we’ve been feeling around all this uncertainty.
 
However, when our children experience separation anxiety when we leave them with a teacher, babysitter, or grandparent, we know the pain of the separation is necessary. As hard as it is to watch their tears, we know we are fostering their independence. We are teaching them to embrace unfamiliar situations with curiosity. We are showing them there is more to life than what is comfortable and known. We are fostering the skills they will need to face challenges for the rest of their lives. We are giving them the opportunity to learn more about the person they are going to become.
 
“For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end. ……. It’s all a process, steps along a path. Becoming requires equal parts patience and rigor. Becoming is never giving up on the idea that there’s more growing to be done.”
― Michelle Obama, Becoming

Too often we think that we have arrived, our work is done. This quote from Michelle Obama's book Becoming, reminds us our work is never done. We keep becoming. We keep growing. We keep changing. We think separation anxiety ends when the crying tantrums stop, but it doesn’t, the feelings just go within.
 
Separation anxiety never ends and that’s a good thing. It stretches us from our comfort zone. It provides us with a choice – will we stay the same or will we try something new? Will we stay locked in our beliefs or will we explore a new point of view?
 
Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey

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Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash

Originally posted 8/30/15
 
Watching your child take their first steps is an experience unlike any other.  Carefully they lift their foot, wobbling just a little, but keeping their balance just enough to take the first step.  Without realizing it, they throw caution to the wind and go for it.  They have no fear of the unknown, even though it is all unknown at this point for them.  They push aside any small bit of fear they might have and go for it.  First one foot, then the other, the momentum starts to build and usually after a few steps they tumble into the waiting arms of a cheering adult.  It is only at that point, when they are safely in your arms, that the wide smile of pride and accomplishment spreads across their face.  Everyone is cheering, happy and excited.  Moments later the parents realize their lives will never be the same again.
I read an article that said if adults had to learn to walk, most of them would quit because they would not be able to endure the amount of failure needed to succeed.  Babies must first learn to sit up without tipping over.  Once they master that skill, they try crawling, which not all babies are able to master.  Next they pull themselves to a standing position.  They use their legs for the first time to support their weight.  They fall over a lot, but we stand by clapping and encouraging them.  We pick them right back up when the fall and encourage them to keep going.  A child has an innate ability to keep trying over and over again.  Each time they get a little stronger.  They are resilient and undeterred.
After they start to walk, something happens and as parents we suddenly get more protective.  Now that they are more mobile, there are more opportunities for them to get hurt.  Parents start to hover over the child in the name of safety, inadvertently restricting the same daring instincts that helped them to start walking.  As a parent nothing pulls at your heart like seeing your child in pain, so we try to control their surroundings.  It may start with physically protecting them while they learn to walk, but then it extends to the playground and play dates with friends.  Our parental instinct tries to protect our child from feeling pain and shielding them from disappointment.  It’s easy to let that instinct go too far. 
We also know it is unrealistic to protect them from everything.  Eventually they have to face setbacks, failure and disappointment.  We can’t prepare them for those times if we shield them or stifle their experiences or handle things for them.  In her book “Rising Strong”, Brene Brown says:
“… embracing failure without acknowledging the real hurt and fear that it can cause, or the complex journey that underlies rising strong, is gold-plating grit.  To strip failure of its real emotional consequences is to scrub the concepts of grit and resilience of the very qualities that make them both so important – toughness, doggedness and perseverance.”     
Our children are going to experience hard times.  As much as we may want to breeze right over it, our job is to help our children navigate the path, feel their feelings and offer them unconditional love along the way.  We are here to support them as they face challenges head on and figure out their own way to move through it.  There will be a lot of “first steps” in your child’s life.  We need to remember all the events, stumbles and falls that lead up to taking that next “first step”   Just as it was when they were a baby trying to maintain their balance, we continue to support them all the same, offering our hand to pick them up, drying their tears when they fall and waiting with open arms to celebrate their success. 
 
Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey
 
Image by Olya Adamovich from Pixabay 
 
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It is HOT.
 
After all it’s August, traditionally the hottest month of the year in the northern hemisphere, so why am I surprised? Record highs were recorded this week in Phoenix, parts of California and I’m sure many other cities throughout the world.
 
It doesn’t help that we are literally trapped inside. When the pandemic started, I found time to get outside multiple times a day. Now at 5am, the temperatures are already pushing 80+ and if I don’t pull myself out of bed, I miss my chance for fresh air.
 
Throughout the day, I look out the window longingly. Dreaming of a fall, or winter, or spring day. I would love to feel 75 degrees for just a few hours (that’s not too much to ask).
 
I’m sure there are good reasons for the recent heat wave, global warming, lack of rain, etc. but this is not a blog on weather patterns.
 
While temperatures are literally increasing, so is the heat surrounding online debates regarding:

• masks
• school decisions
• politics & the election
• Breonna Taylor
• child trafficking
• working from home
• mental health

 
Have you noticed how cruel people can be about these topics? I understand people are passionate. I understand many of these topics feel like decisions with life and death consequences, but it is shocking to me to see the hostility of people’s words on social media.
 
If we step back, we can see these flames are being stoked by fear. People are afraid for the unknown. It’s easier to be angry than scared.
 
When we are angry (read: fearful), we find temporary comfort in people agreeing with us. Their confirmation is support we are not alone in our thoughts which tames the fear, even if just a little bit.
 
But that reassurance is short lived. It only takes the next inflammatory post, news story or email to remind us the heat hasn’t subsided, in fact it’s still rising.
 
In the middle of all this, I launched a cool new program I call “Living in Flow”. The contradiction of trying to achieve flow while living in these “unprecedented times” is not lost on me. But I thought “If not now, then when?” There is so much chaos on the outside, it seems like the perfect time to check in and give some attention to what is going on inside.
 
As you might expect, in the first week the participants were feeling the heat of all the things I listed above and more. We shared our stories and our struggles, no longer wanting to live in a pressure cooker. We walked away from the first meeting with the intention to play more and miraculously we all found time for it. Play was fun, refreshing and calming amidst the daily demands. There is more work to do, but this group is on their way to finding their flow.
 
You may be struggling to find your flow. It may seem impossible to escape the heat, after all you can’t change the weather or social pressures surrounding us. Like me, you may be looking out the window wishing things were different. We don’t always understand why things happen as they do. Every experience leaves it’s mark for the next. Will we “fight fire with fire” and risk our anger burning it all up? Or will we stay inside, accepting the heat, reflecting, and knowing cooler days are coming?
 
Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey
 
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We have always had a choice,
but now is our chance to truly decide,
will we stay frozen or will we flow?
 
Will you lock in, double down and hold tight to what you Know?
Will you look at what is working and what is not?
It’s your choice to ride the wave of what feels good or step off the ride of what does not.
 
This can be life-changing,
for you and all those around you.
 
What if work does not equal 40 hours a week?
What if school is best learned in a different way?
What if you stand up for what is true and beautiful to you?
 
I see a sinister cloud, of corporations going back to normal and ignoring their employees who are feeling so much less than normal. 
 
Now is the time to make a stand, to show you are more human than machine...
What will you choose?
What side will win:

• health or sickness?
• education or learning?
• profit or productivity? 
• separatism or oneness? 
• mind or heart?

 
Right and wrong is highly subjective based on where you live and how you were raised but we all have choices in front of us now.
 
Will we stay rooted in the checklist of shoulds....
or 
do we pause?
 
This is your chance to evaluate what is working and what needs to be cast aside.
It is no longer one size fits all.
No longer predictable.
No longer something that can be planned.
 
“Normal” was stagnancy and predictability.
The new way is change, flexibility and flow.
 
We don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
We are going to lose a lot of people.
How will we handle it:

• with anger?
• bitterness?
• suffering?
• or, will we live to the fullest?

 
Appreciate who and what we have
and live in our own truth today,
instead of waiting for that perfect alignment of how things could be some day.
We have today.
Make it count.
 
Moving from frozen to flow is hard,
it’s not what we were taught, 
but it’s not too late.
 
If you are ready to shift your life into flow and want some support, I am launching a new experience calling “Living in Flow”. The group will be limited to the first six people who sign up as it will be an intimate, four-week, group coaching experience. We will navigate these uncharted waters according to your life, planning your course for today by following the true north of your heart. If you are interested in learning more, click on this link or reach out to me directly for more information.
 
Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey
 
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Back to school choices usually revolve around backpacks, school supplies and new clothes. This year millions of parents will first have to answer Online or In Classroom?  
 
Even though it is a simple question where there are only two options, this question spawns dozens of follow-up questions:

• Do we have the bandwidth to support online learning and working from home?
• What classes will be offered, and will the quality be the same as before?
• What will happen if they wear a mask all day?
• Will they learn at the same pace?
• How will they get their questions answered?
• Where will they eat lunch?
• Will they be distracted?
• What about the social aspects of being in school?
• How will extra-curricular activities like sports teams and clubs be handled?
• Will my child be safe?

 
It’s a lot to think about and a lot to consider. As parents, we may have thought through some of these decisions before when choosing a public school versus a private, charter or home-schooling option. But this feels different. This time it’s not only about the learning environment for our children, it is about their health and safety as well.
 
Parents are taking to social media, asking other local parents “what are you going to do?” I only listed ten questions above, but there are so many others.
 
You may be tempted to enter the “what if…” spiral. I wrote a blog years ago on how looking at “what if” scenarios can lead to Analysis Paralysis, where you have so much data it’s difficult to decide what to do next. I wouldn’t be surprised if many parents fall into that trap while trying to make this decision as well.
 
It’s hard to know what the “right” thing to do is. We’ve heard “these are unprecedented times” over and over. No one has ever been through anything like this before, so how would we know what is “right”. And by calling something “right” that implies there is something “wrong” -is that true?
 
Things are uncertain and when we are faced with uncertainty, it’s easy to let fear take over. Thoughts like – how will this impact them long term? What will this do to their chance of getting into college? What if they don’t understand this fundamental concept and struggle through the rest of their school life? These are all fearful thoughts and we must recognize them as such. We cannot slip into the fear of “what if” as it will only create more angst for ourselves and for our students.
 
The opposite of fear is love. What if we focus on loving our children through this process, instead of being worried with fear? We have the power to create an environment for our children where we embrace this experiment and set aside the expectations. We can choose the path we think is right today and if it doesn’t work out, we can make adjustments. Our reaction will influence how this school year will impact our children. How powerful would it be if we embraced the unknown, set aside our fear and focused on loving our children through it all?
 
Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey

Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash
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A couple weeks ago, I made this list of things I’ve learned while sheltering at home, working full time, preparing to speak at a virtual parenting conference and “homeschooling” my kids:

• 3 meals a day is a lot and I’m out of ideas.
• One-ply toilet paper is the worst.
• I completely underestimated the serenity of driving in my car during rush hour.
• Some days my life feels like one never ending zoom meeting.
• I miss my office chair, and my office and seeing my co-workers, (most of them).
• Maybe I’m on to something transitioning from the idea of Work-Life Balance into Work-Life Flow

 
The early weeks of shelter at home was a big adjustment. My roles all converged into one space and I had to switch between them multiple times throughout the day. A typical day looked something like this: exercise, shower, make coffee, sit down at my “desk”, the kitchen table, and log into work. Get interrupted. Run up and down the stairs from my work computer to the kid’s computer where they are doing their schoolwork to answer a question. Get back to work. Make lunch. Play a game of ping pong. Log into a zoom call. You get the picture. The transitions between roles happened minute by minute. I was burned out and overwhelmed. Everyday felt like a roller coaster of emotions.
 
In the absence of our “normal” distractions, social media became a haven of support. The messages were positive. Everyone was in this together. Teachers and authors came on-line daily to share their wisdom and give people a place of community. People were reuniting with old friends and using technology to reconnect.
 
After the first month, we settled into a better rhythm. I set up a folding table to use as a desk and bought a new office chair. We learned to communicate on a different level. We accepted the school closure and adjusted our end of year expectations. And while we were ok sheltering at home, we thought we could see a light in the distance it would be over soon.
 
I believe it was the absence of distractions that created the right circumstances for us to finally confront the racial inequalities in our society.  Without the headlines of sports scores or celebrity gossip, the stories of Ahmed Aubrey, Breonna Taylor and George Floyd could surface and gain the attention of the world. We began listening in a new way.
 
It’s a lot. It’s emotional. This week on a work call a manager shared multiple employees had called her crying. They had been doing ok working from home, schooling their kids and rationing toilet paper. But now hearing the helicopters monitoring the nightly protests and the renewed pressure to meet client deliverables was their breaking point.
 
As leaders we are trying to support our employees in ways where there is little precedent and even less training.
 
We are finally accepting how unpredictable the future is.
 
When will I go back to the office? I don’t know.
 
Will my kids go back to a classroom? I don’t know.
 
What could possibly be coming next? I don’t know.
 
There is no normal.
 
Last week I wrote about toddler transitions. Toddlers meltdown because they are only concerned with what they are doing in that moment, but the parent wants them to move to the next thing. The parent always knows what to do next, it’s routine. When it’s predictable, you can plan and prepare for the transition to avoid the meltdown. In 2020, nothing is predictable. So how do we as adults move forward and create a “new normal” if we don’t know what’s going to happen?
 
We can start by getting clear on what is truly important to us. Right now is our chance to reflect on the changes in our lives over the last few months. What things do we want to pick back up and start doing again and which ones we want to leave behind?
 
In the talk I gave for the virtual parenting conference I gave this list of questions to ask yourself:

• What is important?
• Why is it important?
• How does it impact our time?
• What is the consequence if we don’t do it?
• How often do we have to do it (daily, weekly, monthly)?
• Do we need to reprioritize or do we need a new perspective?

 
A couple weeks ago, I told my kids to wait until “things get back to normal”. I don’t believe that anymore. What we accepted as normal before is going to be different than what we accept as normal after. There are the obvious freedoms of being able to buy toilet paper and to sit in a restaurant to eat a meal. But our perspectives have changed in terms of how we view our health, the educational system and racial inequality.
 
We need to spend the time now to get crystal clear on our “why”. We must put our oxygen mask on first before we can show up for our kids, our employees, and our community.
 
Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey

Image by Markus Distelrath from Pixabay 
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 This week signaled the end of the school year for most of the kids in our area. It was an ending that no one would have predicted months ago when the school year started. Our 6th grader started his final year of elementary school looking forward to all the traditions he had witnessed from Kinder – 5th, including Memory Night, the last day student teacher volleyball tournament and Clap Out. The Clap Out was the only thing we were able to salvage with a class car parade through the parking lot. We had balloons, signs and played the song “Hey Look Ma I Made It” on repeat as we waved at the teachers, many who have become friends over the years. As we drove out of the parking lot for the last time with our student, there were tears in our eyes. Three months of quarantine created a gap, it is not the same feeling it would have been if we had continued through the last day of school, but it was closure on a significant part of all our lives.
 
I’ve been thinking about the word transition a lot lately. In parenting we talk a lot about toddler transitions, because it is at that age where major meltdowns happen when we move from one activity to another. Toddlers have a difficult time because they live entirely in the current moment. If they are playing with toys, that is all they are thinking of. They are not thinking about “the future” when they have to eat, nap or take a bath. When someone disrupts what they are doing it is very jarring resulting in very visible, and often very noisy, meltdown. A toddler meltdown is visible, so we look for solutions. Parents want to know; how do we fix it? There are podcasts, books and articles on how to ease the transition for your toddler. If you are lucky the methods work, and the meltdowns minimize.
 
Once the meltdowns end, we think a little less about transitions. As our children grow, the emotions of transitions don’t go away, they get more complicated. The end of the school year signals a transition. We usually use school activities to guide us in closing one chapter and getting ready for the next. However, without these traditions as a guide, the school year feels incomplete.
 
We need to help our kids (and ourselves) through this difficult time of transition. They may not be able to verbalize it, but they are grieving their missed school activities. They are missing their friends. They are listening to the news, usually through social media, about the virus, politics, and social injustice. These emotions are surfacing through more mature melt downs over screen time, chores, and seemingly unrelated events.
 
Transitions, by definition, are times of change. Our job as parents is to guide our children through these changes the best way we know how. We don’t have to have the answers, but we must be open to listen to their thoughts and create a safe space to discuss their worries and fears.
 
Heart-FULLy Yours,    
Kacey
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Photo by Louis Renaudineau on Unsplash